


hiraeth

by jaeminsmochi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha Lee Jeno, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Na Jaemin, Omega Surrogacy, Pheromones, Pining, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Slow Build, little mochi best boi, rich families
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:09:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeminsmochi/pseuds/jaeminsmochi
Summary: after the downfall of the na family due to the huge family business scandal, omega jaemin had resorted to illegal surrogacy and provided an heir for an unknown wealthy alpha in order to pay off his debts.five years later, jaemin is now a freelance writer who is ready to overcome his fears and comes back to seoul. but what happens when he is out grocery shopping on his first day back, a child who looks exactly like his five year old self, comes up to him and calls him “mommy”?
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 21
Kudos: 348





	hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> hi all! i actually wrote this and posted it on twitter in chapters spanning nearly two months but i've decided to create ao3 and post it here as a long oneshot! it's definitely my favorite piece of writing right now and it's also my first time writing in this style, so there's a lot of flaws and imperfections... but i hope you guys will enjoy this story <3
> 
> also, there is a lot of emphasis on pheromones here so to make it clear, jaemin's pheromones are honey peaches while jeno smells like japanese sake.

it didn’t feel safe at all on the plane ride back to seoul, jaemin thought. whenever he closes his eyes, _the_ nightmare replays all over again. the man in the black suit glares into his eyes as they are surrounded by the darkness of the room. he’s lying on a bed, with his wrists and ankles bound by chains to each corner of it. he tries to struggle free but the chains only start clanking and the burn of his peeled skin that rubs against the metal surges through his body. eventually, the man in the black suit walks towards him, the heels of his leather shoes clicking against the floor with each step. the man raises his hand gently as his body exudes a wave of extravagance, making jaemin’s heart jump.

jaemin struggles to get up as his upper body is completely submerged under the shadows that touch light. when he tries to pull his limbs towards himself, the chains of his wrists and ankles only become tighter, slowly constricting the blood flow to his fingers and toes. the bruises around his wrists were not clear in the dimly closed chamber, but the winding line forms a closed loop that seems to be a permanent tattoo he cannot erase. 

when the strong aura of the man in front of him fills the room, jaemin starts to feel claustrophobic. the alpha’s pheromones start to pour all over jaemin like a mountain torrent, the strong alcoholic fragrance of japanese sake spreads across the room. 

it’s rare to find an alpha with alcoholic pheromones. jaemin has never smelt anything like that before. he must be some high-class alpha that’s part of the elites. those pheromones are overpowering, making the omega in him submit to this alpha.

just as a sudden bright white light blinds him for a moment, the anesthetic is injected into his arms through a cold needle. when jaemin feels the warmth of the drug spreading through his body and his mind slowly losing consciousness, a drop of tear falls from the corner of his eyes. 

“... “ _oh, it was the nightmare again._

when jaemin opens his eyes, he finds himself in his airplane seat. the person next to him was a pregnant omega lady who was reading a book called “the ceo and his secret omega” while dabbing the tears off her face. the lady senses jaemin’s movements and turns to him suddenly as she grabbed his arms. 

“oh my god, you have to read this!” she exclaimed excitedly. “it is such a sad story.”

jaemin scans the lady’s appearance. she must be young, someone in her mid-twenties? her eyes are shaped like the moon and her little red nose makes her pitiful, but innocent.

throughout the flight, jaemin watches the plane fly through the clouds as the overly enthusiastic pregnant lady continues to talk about the book, and eventually her honeymoon. jaemin takes a deep breath and uses his motion sickness as an excuse to take another nap in order to escape her chatters about her alpha. _yeah, yeah… why does everyone have to talk about their alpha, their omega, or their partners in general, like can’t you just respect a stranger? i don’t want to know about your life!_

finally, the plane has landed smoothly. while waiting for the announcements to begin, the lady tugs on his sleeves again. “hey young man, have you found an alpha yet? ever since i got pregnant, my alpha always says i’m too moody and that i get way too emotional… does he not love me anymore?”

_there she goes again._ jaemin doesn’t know how to comfort people. after all that he had to go through, he’d say that he has now become an ice statue, with a heart that doesn’t feel, and he can no longer understand what emotions are. but, as the lady thought jaemin wasn’t going to reply to her, jaemin suddenly says in a soft, and reassuring voice, “it’s normal to be sentimental when an omega is pregnant. pregnancy messes you up, sometimes.”

the omega lady is tearing up again and reaches into her purse for another pack of tissues. she sighs, “thank you for that… what about you? you have an alpha that really loves and cares for you deeply, don’t you? and you seem to have gone through pregnancy?”

jaemin was suddenly reminded about the nightmare again, he could even smell a whiff of japanese sake in the still air. 

_“welcome to seoul...and thank you for riding with… airlines, we hope you had a nice flight.”_

jaemin feels a lump forming in his throat as he swallows painfully. just as the omega lady was about to leave her seat, jaemin suddenly hears his own shaky voice. “... no, never did i get pregnant… nor have i _ever_ had an alpha.”

jaemin’s past is stored deep in his memories, like a wooden box covered in moss, with the fine green lines acting like needles and thread, interweaving perfectly to lock the opening.

jaemin remembers that he had always liked to keep his hair a little longer, a habit he developed after he presented as an omega at sixteen. it felt a little less revealing, a little less bare, like he’d put up fences. he recalls confidently _knowing_ that he will present as an alpha. that was what everyone expected when he came from a family of dominant alphas anyway.

everyone knows about jaemin’s overflowing spirit and pride. he would not allow others to suppress him just because of his secondary gender. it is truly a pity that the gods did not fulfil his wishes, since he had presented as an omega after all.

it’s as if the anesthesia injected into his veins from the strange nightmare on the plane was refreshing his memory. the cool and sweet taste of japanese sake was just like the soothing pheromones he smelt on the operating table.

it was about five years ago when jaemin first encountered this scent. at first, it was oppressing and intense, it had caught him off guard. however, jaemin was an unexpected 98% match with this rare pheromone, and when he tried to run away, he was forcibly held back.

he had eventually forgotten most of what had happened, jaemin nearly broke the railings by the operating bed when the anesthesia was not enough to fully numb his senses as he felt the pressure and pain building up inside of him. his forehead was soaked with sweat as he heaved and panted. as soon as the child has been carried out of him, jaemin feels himself falling into a deep slumber. 

when his eyes fluttered open, he felt the excitement bubbling in his chest as he looked around for the baby incubator. not long after, jaemin had then realised the child was not his. he notices a stack of documents along with first class plane tickets. he quickly grabs his phone and sees the bank transfer. he checks his email and bank account over and over, counting the number of digits left and right before he lets go a sigh of relief. 

jaemin immediately transfers the money into another account before texting the person’s new number, only to receive a “i got it, we can go meet them tomorrow.” he had just put on a clean and fresh hospital gown when a notification pops up on his phone screen. “so how is it? giving birth?

“hm, lets see…” jaemin trails off as he wears his slippers and walks towards the full length mirror in the hospital room. all of the visible swelling of an omega’s pregnancy had disappeared, except that his face was grey and pale. but other than that, he decides he still looks fine, _normal._ _same. untouched._

unfortunately, there is nothing to deny that he had just done a surrogacy. 

being the son of two powerful alpha businessman and businesswoman, jaemin would say that his family was a rather traditional one. after he had presented as an omega, his parents knew that they could not let him ruin the bloodline. once he had graduated from highschool, his mother had brought him to various blind meetings with the families of his parents’ business partners, in hopes for a possible arranged marriage. after all, this would ensure that jaemin would live a comfortable life and it also worked as an underlying ‘business deal’. 

as the son of the wealthy na family, he had always gotten what he wanted and it also fuelled his sense of pride and confidence. even though he presented as an omega, he wasn’t going to let his secondary gender become his ‘weakness’. he still had dreams of taking over his parents’ company. jaemin never understood nor felt the rush to find his partner for life and settle down so quickly. he would only reject whoever that has been recommended by his mother. 

however one day, after flying back to seoul from ulsan on a business trip with his parents, his mother pulled him aside one night and asks, “jaeminie, would you like to marry the lees’ son?”

_the lees_. jaemin had actually known about them for a very long time.

jaemin had learnt that his grandmother was old acquaintances with the lee family when he accompanied his father to his business parties. however, only at his grandmother’s recent funeral, did her old friend of the lee family hear that her grandson had presented as an omega. thus, given that the lee family also had a son, that presented as an alpha last year, the lee family decided to bring up a possible marriage arrangement.

his mother had assured him that he and the son of the lee family are of the same age, as well as gave him a sealed document of his details. jaemin had to read his odd name over five times, to learn that this person is called _lee jeno._

from the pictures that his mother had also sent him, it is clear that jeno is a youthful-looking, and extremely handsome alpha. jaemin had always been confident about his looks but seeing a picture of his ‘possibly-soon-to-be’ husband, he feels a little threatened. however, he knows that this alpha is possibly the best one he’s ever met. 

“so? what is your final decision, jaeminie?” jaemin’s mother asks. his parents had been waiting rather impatiently, but they were willing to give jaemin a little more time to mull over it since they knew this arrangement had a high success rate. “what do you think of lee jeno?”

“... he's good, mother,” jaemin gulps, not trusting himself with the decision. “i’m okay with this arrangement.”

both families were elated. with the numerous financial benefits and business advantages that come along with this marriage, marrying jaemin off to the lee’s has definitely become a commercial one. although jaemin and jeno had never met before, both families were already enthusiastically helping them with the official documents and planning of their public wedding. 

a month before their public wedding, the na family was framed for embezzlement and money laundering. the news spread like wildfire and the business world was in chaos as the na family lost all their connections in just a matter of a few hours. before his father was brought to court, he had commited suicide due to the overwhelming stress and fatigue while his mother’s old illness had relapsed where jaemin lost her not too long after his father’s death. 

jaemin was only twenty at that time, fresh and ready to enter the business world proper while upholding the na family’s title. but before he could do that, the world had already turned their backs against him. eventually, he was only left with his uncle who was the only close relative he had. unfortunately, as the authorities searched into every inch of the na family, they found out that his uncle was also deeply involved in other crimes such as tax evasions. just as jaemin thought he had gathered sufficient evidence to present to the court against his father’s ‘crimes’, there was no way he could help to justify for his uncle who truly committed those crimes. 

_“breaking news: ceo of the na cooperation found to be engaging in money laundering and embezzlement”_

_“na jung-han, brother of na jae-han,_ _pleads guilty in recent tax evasion claims”_

_“na cooperation to be fined 1.6 billion won in high-profile tax evasion case”_

as the only standing family member, jaemin watched his relationships with others slowly break off one by one. he watched his close friends who he used to drink with, played together, studied with at the business school, leaving him. jaemin was only left with a single choice in order to survive the bankruptcy and repay the debts.

the once arrogant and prideful na jaemin would have never learnt to bow his head and hold onto strings to pull in connections. he remembers he used to fight against many other companies with his father in the field. as a na, he would never had thought that he’d have to kiss the shiny leather shoes of others as they toast to expensive champagne. at this point, everyone could understand his actions, but they would only continue to step on him.

at first, jaemin managed to pay back most of the money and cleared most of the debts. however, all of the money that he could use to escape out of this hellhole was gone and his uncle was still in prison. in order to come clean and end this once and for all, jaemin still needed cash, _fast_. 

who would have known, jaemin is here to meet _him_. he was one of the alphas that his late parents had recommended. although jaemin nearly married this alpha, the arrangement did not push through. however, jaemin knew that alpha took a liking to him and it is worth a chance.

here he is, sitting in front of the alpha he once looked down upon. the alpha smiled as he threw a few checks on the bar table and asked jaemin if he wanted to be his omega lover. _i will not stoop this low, i still have my pride there, you ridiculous alpha_.

“no, i don’t want to,” jaemin declines firmly, earning a huge laugh from the alpha.

“just look at you, the lee’s no longer want you, what are you still trying to do?”

the alpha has a point, jaemin notes. when he was trying to reach out to his connections, he thought about his marriage on board and tried to contact the lee family, only to realise that his fiance had already flew overseas. jaemin only wanted to meet lee jeno once at least, but the person who answered the phone was none other than his fiance’s biological mother. she laughed as she refused to help and made a clear warning to never go near her son in the future. 

when the na family was standing at the top, jaemin, with that pretty face and rare pheromone that was constantly discussed privately but never asked about, was ranked the first among all omegas in seoul that elite alphas wanted to marry. in contrast, when the na family was destroyed, jaemin’s title has changed naturally into the omega that everyone wanted to sleep with. of course, jaemin was aware of these things but he was busy trying to address the company’s affairs as well as managing his uncle’s side. 

“you’re so pitiful.” the alpha said, snapping jaemin out of his thoughts. “i know you’re short on money, i have something for you that’s able to get you money fast. and loads of money at tha-”

“what is it? what job?” jaemin interrupts. he’s going to hate himself for even having the slightest interest in doing dirty work for fast money. 

the alpha smiles, “starting with about 100 million won, _surrogacy_.”

jaemin somehow accepted the offer and the very next day, someone had already approached him to sign documents and agreements. the person did not reveal their identity and the person they sent was most likely just a secretary. 

“please, do not ask any unnecessary questions, listen here,” she begins. “absolutely all of the expenses required for this pregnancy will be taken care of, including your private helpers’ fees, professional medical doctor, and all of the medical help you need two months after the pregnancy will also be provided. and we will also be topping up 60 million won for any miscellaneous costs.”

jaemin internalises the amount offered in his head as he calculates. this will pretty much cover everything including all the loose ends of the scandal and this will even allow him to sustain himself for quite some time when he leaves seoul for good.

jaemin doesn’t hesitate and quickly signs the documents. “please let him know i would like to have 30 million won transferred to my bank today.”

“you have my word, mr na.” the lady bows and leaves. 

once jaemin sobers up from the impulsive decisions he had made, he knew that it was the beginning of his suffering. he had only realised that omegas were actually extremely fragile species. jaemin had undergone his heat during the ivf but it was the first time he was banned from using the heat suppressants. he remembers smelling the unfamiliar scent of japanese sake in the room as he struggles through the heat alone on the hospital bed. 

no one is here to soothe him, it hurts too much. 

even if jaemin is labelled as an omega, he was one of the tougher ones that struggled with controlling themselves during heats and the nurse simply tied up his hands and feet. the sound of the metal chains clanking together pierced his ears like the ones in his future nightmares. his honey peach scent spreads throughout the room from his glands and becomes mixed with the alcoholic scent of japanese sake. it had inadvertently turned into a wonderful mellow fragrance of a delicate fruit wine in a tall wine glass. 

in the midst of the haziness, he hears the nurse commenting about how the two pheromones were really compatible.

two months after the 100% successful ivf procedure, jaemin had started to sense the changes in his body. an omega’s pregnancy is a truly painful process, he concludes. he vaguely recalls learning about it during sex education in highschool but it is much more agonising than he thought. it is a known fact that during an omega’s pregnancy, one needs to have the company of their alpha in order to strengthen and stabilise their emotions. but jaemin could only use the japanese sake pheromone packets to get him through the torturous nine months of pregnancy. 

sometimes when jaemin gets overly distressed and breaks down alone in his room, he considers the option of refunding the money and taking the baby inside him—his—along with him and leaving. only when he calms down and comes to his senses does he realise that is impossible. 

along the way, he learnt that the japanese sake pheromones belonged to an alpha that did not go by his actual name but the initials n.j. there are a million possibilities of a person in korea with the initials n.j., so that is the end to his curiosity. 

although jaemin had never seen the baby, he can’t deny he felt a connection and longing for the baby, since he was the one that carried them in his body for a whole 9 months after all. he reminisces the times he talked to the life in him deep into the night, wondering what he would name them or sometimes he stays up all night feeling the feisty little thing kicking. yet, the alpha had never disclosed anything about the baby.

once jaemin had recovered, he quickly ties up the loose ends and packs up whatever of the little things he had left and flew out of seoul with no plan in mind. he needed to get away and leave all this behind. _it's time for a fresh new start,_ he remembers telling himself.

after he left, there were only a few people that he kept in contact with including the very alpha that helped him with the surrogacy. the alpha had asked him what his plans are from now on. given that he is now an unbonded omega that has given birth to a baby to an unknown alpha, he’s no longer _pure_. it would be hard to find another alpha or partner for life. 

jaemin had accepted the fact that he will never get married and he’ll just remain as the strong independent omega he had always been. but it's unavoidable that he misses the nights he spent with his baby and his wishes to start a family. 

a few years down the road, he received news that his uncle had passed away. jaemin felt immense relief, but at the same time excitement because the last string connecting him and the past has finally snapped. 

although he is living a comfortable life outside korea as a freelance writer right now, there is a part of him that wants to go back _home_. the few friendships he kept close were also supportive of his return which made him book a flight back home without a second thought. 

that is how he got on a flight back to seoul, met the pregnant omega lady, dreamt that nightmare… 

_n.j. you’re so cruel_. in all five years, jaemin had never forgave this alpha called n.j. and his unforgettable japanese sake pheromones for being the source of his nightmares.

-

once jaemin has gone through the airport security, he checks the address of the apartment he had just rented with the help of his close friend, donghyuck. donghyuck was one of the very few people that had remained by his side throughout the tough years, especially when jaemin was struggling as an unbonded pregnant omega. besides, donghyuck’s four-year-old daughter was one of the major reasons that made him come back to seoul. he cannot stand being her godmother when he hasn’t even held her in his arms yet.

it was a long taxi ride from incheon airport to gangnam but jaemin spent the whole time taking in the familiar scenery of the highways and skyscrapers that he had missed. once he has arrived at his apartment complex, he quickly settles in and deems the rented apartment a decent home. 

_growl~_

“damn it, i haven’t had anything in more than 20 hours…” jaemin mumbles. “it’s time to go to the mart!” 

the trip to the convenience store turned into an impromptu grocery shopping trip when he discovered a shopping mall nearby. jaemin is starting to regret when he realises he can’t possibly walk back home with his hands full of heavy groceries. 

while thoughts about how cold the weather was runs through his head, his legs suddenly feel heavy, as if he is being held by something. he lowers his head to see a little boy, and jaemin immediately associates his head with a watermelon. 

“mummy! mummy! it’s you, you’re here!” the little boy giggles as he hugs on to jaemin’s thighs even tighter. _mummy…?_

jaemin feels his heart wrench as complicated thoughts start to fill his mind. on one hand, jaemin loves children very much but ever since the surrogacy, he dares not to get too close with children. 

the little boy looks up, his eyes turning into crescents as he smiles so wide, jaemin can’t help but soften at this sight. his small face was round and white, the baby fat is soft and plump, and his big eyes stared into jaemin’s as if he could see his own reflection in jaemin. he settles himself on jaemin’s feet, arms circling around jaemin’s calves and pouts cutely.

“mummy? do you not recognise me?” _now back to the topic, i am not your mummy, please! no matter how cute you look, i am in fact, not your mummy!_ jaemin resists spilling out these words and calms himself down. 

jaemin is careful not to move his legs, afraid that the child will fall off onto the icy ground. he puts down his bags of groceries and bends down to pat the little boy’s head, “hey there, why not you stand up, the floor is cold.”

jaemin swears that he has never spoken to anyone in such a gentle tone in his life. the little boy eventually stands up obediently and shuffles his feet backwards. just as jaemin thought that he could get away, the little boy suddenly wraps his small hands around jaemin’s free pinky. 

“mummy? where are you going? are you not going to bring me along?” the little boy isn’t pouting anymore, it’s a sad frown across his face. 

“i-i am not your mummy…” jaemin trails off when he sees the little boy’s eyes getting glossy and lips wobbling before he bursts into tears. _oh, please no… now what…_

“i’m sure you… _hic…_ you are my mummy…” the little boy sobs as fat tears roll down his reddened cheeks. “w-why are… _hic…_ you leaving me…” 

jaemin just stands rooted to the ground, at a loss of what to do. a crowd starts to form around them and jaemin starts to feel embarrassment and responsibility for this child that isn't even his! he’s starting to hear whispers along the lines of, _that omega mother must have scolded his son too harshly! just look at him, how can he just stand there and do nothing?_

jaemin quickly sets down his groceries and picks up the boy in his arms. “i’m here, okay? i’m not going anywhere…” jaemin whispers softly into the little boy’s ear as he rocked him in his arms. “shhh… i’m here, i’m here.” jaemin repeated these phrases over and over, in hope of calming the child down. 

luckily, the crowd has dispersed but jaemin continues to rub comforting circles on the boy’s back. _he’s warm._ when jaemin notices that the sobs have become little sniffles, he takes a peek at the boy who is resting his head on his shoulders. “you okay there?” he tries.

the little boy sniffles, “mm-hmm…” his eyes are red from crying and jaemin feels a pang in his heart knowing he has just broken his heart. “mummy?”

jaemin sighs but decides to play along this time. “y-yeah?”

“i’m cold…” the little boy mumbles so softly jaemin would have missed it. 

“oh! hold on, i’ll put you down first okay?” jaemin lowered the child onto the ground before untying his own scarf to wrap it around the little boy’s neck. “there, feels better?”

the little boy nods and his face brightens instantly. “i’m glad you’re finally back, mummy! i’m so happy to see you!” _who is this child’s mother? does he even have a mother? what about his father? where is his father? why is he here alone?_

“can i hold your hand, mummy? please?” jaemin is snapped out of his thoughts and meets a pair of pleading eyes. he holds out his hand and the little boy slips his own into jaemin’s. a wave of emotions hit jaemin all at once as he feels a spark between him and the boy. he never thought he'd be able to hear a child call him “mummy” in his entire life. 

“so… where are your pare- father?” jaemin asks. _‘parents’ would imply that i'm not his mother so let’s just be safe._

“daddy is at work!” the little boy says excitedly. “ _hmm…_ ” he ponders seriously. “ actually, i don't know where he is!” 

“then… where did you even come from? are you lost?” 

“no, i just followed mummy’s scent! i found you here, mummy!” he replies with a squeeze of jaemin’s hands. this little one here is definitely testing jaemin’s limits. 

“should we find your father? do you-”

“mochi! is that you there, mochi?” a low and deep voice shouts from behind. the both of them turn around at the same time and jaemin sees a frantic-looking man running towards them. 

“daddy! look, i found mummy!” _daddy. his father._ when the man gets closer, jaemin could see that this was one gorgeous alpha, dressed in a business suit that accentuates his _amazing_ figure with his hair sleeked professionally. 

“oh my god, i am so sorry, little mochi is always running around on its own, i apologise for the inconvenience caused,” the alpha bows and apologised profusely, taking jaemin by surprise. _an alpha bowing to an omega? that’s unheard of._

“n-no it's alright, i just happened to be here… when he came running…” jaemin wants to slap himself for stuttering but he can't help but feel a little heat rising in his cheeks when this handsome alpha is looking at him with such sincerity. or maybe it’s the weather getting colder.

“you’re right, daddy! mummy really does smell like peaches!” the forgotten child suddenly makes his presence known as he interrupts the two adults gazing at each other. jaemin’s eyes widened because he does indeed have a peachy smell. he thought that the boy was making it up about following his ‘mother’s scent’. 

just as he feels confused and speechless, the alpha’s cheeks suddenly reddens. “o-oh, please don't mind little mochi… um…” the alpha tries to explain himself clumsily while trying to communicate with jaemin through his eyes. 

jaemin almost giggles at the sight and bends down to caress the boy’s smooth cheeks, “how did _you_ know? you’re a smart little one, aren't you!” jaemin praises, earning another wide smile on the boy’s face. 

“if i may ask, where are you heading off to? i could call you a cab if you'd like? or do you need help with those bags?” the alpha offers earnestly. jaemin nearly forgot that he had been standing in the cold with his groceries, waiting for a taxi to come. 

“oh, no it's really okay, i’m just going to wait for a taxi-” 

“no, please, let me.” the alpha insists. “take it as an act of gratitude for taking care of little mochi just now.” 

“where is mummy going, daddy?” the boy asks. “is mummy leaving us?”

“no, mochi, mummy is just going on another _extremely_ important secret mission. mummy is going to save the world!” the alpha explains animately before propping little mochi up against his hips. _hm, that is a rather interesting excuse,_ jaemin thought and chuckles.

when the taxi arrives, the alpha has helped jaemin carry his groceries into the car and when the alpha realises that the scarf jaemin’s scarf was on his son, he tries to return it but jaemin had decided that he’ll let this adorable little boy have it instead. 

“come on, little mochi, let's say goodbye and thank you to mr-”

“just jaemin, na jaemin.”

“thank you, mummy nana! see you again, bye bye!” the little boy—little mochi—waves and even manages to steal a kiss on jaemin’s cheeks. 

jaemin watches the father and son pair through the taxi window as the taxi drives away. although he’s content with that fuzzy, warm feeling bubbling in his chest, he realises that he’ll never be able to experience having a family like this, much less meet the two of them again. 

jaemin did not even manage to even get that alpha’s name. 

-

“... okay, i’ll be there at about noon? is that alright?” jaemin asks over the phone.

“oh yeah, sure, they’ll be having lunch and playtime!” the voice on the phone says. “i’m so happy that you’re finally here. i can’t wait to see you again, jaemin.”

“you’ll see me, soon,” jaemin replies. “thank you for this, donghyuck.”

jaemin is currently on his way to donghyuck’s kindergarten, well, because he’s a kindergarten teacher. coincidentally, he has plans to write a novel that requires a little knowledge about children’s behaviours, and children in general. where else would be a better place to learn about noisy little kids in a kindergarten?

once jaemin had reached, donghyuck was already waiting for him by the kindergarten gates. “you look better than ever!” donghyuck exclaims and embraces jaemin in his arms. 

“you too, donghyuck.”

when they walk into the classroom, donghyuck ushers the kids into their assembly positions. he clears his throat and gestures to jaemin. “everyone, this is mr na, who is an amazing writer, and he will be here today as well as the next couple of days to sit in our classes! let’s all say hi to mr na!”

“hi mr na!” the children greeted him and jaemin scanned the crowd of adorable kindergarteners. he stops breathing when he sees the same little boy who called him ‘mummy’ yesterday, sitting in front of him, smiling with his mouth wide open.

“ _mummy!”_

“... yeah, so that’s kind of what happened…” jaemin whispers hurriedly as he donghyuck stood in the corner of the classroom to explain what had happened. 

“oh my god, i can't believe this! this is unexpected!” donghyuck tries to suppress his laughter. “ _he_ called you _‘mummy’_?”

“yes, and i don’t want to repeat this story anymore, i’m embarrassed enough.” jaemin huffs. “what’s his name?”

“oh, his name is lee jaehwa. he’s definitely one of the more obedient ones in class, although he sometimes talks too much.” donghyuck says. “now that i think about it, he’s living with a single father, his mother isn’t anywhere to be found though. i remember seeing the documents that his father wasn’t even married before. his father is pretty handsome though, he’s always picking him up personally after school everyday.”

jaemin feels his hair stand when he hears little mochi’s surname. _the lees_. he takes a deep breath before internalising the other pieces of information as he watches the little mochi and the kids run around in the indoor playground. 

“you know, his father looks like he’s your taste.”

“w-what? what the hell are you thinking, donghyuck? are you serious? you’re telling me this nonsense, you know what i feel about-”

“yes, i know, calm down, jaemin,” donghyuck reassures, putting his arms around jaemin’s shoulders. “but don’t you think you should give _yourself_ a chance? find someone, love someone, let someone love you, and maybe then, you’ll really be _free_.”

during the entire afternoon, jaemin watches the children play with each other until they are all sweaty, before helping donghyuck and the other teachers to clean them up and put them to bed for their afternoon naps. not to mention, little mochi had jaemin wrapped around his little finger as he demanded for jaemin’s attention at every possible occasion. even though little mochi was told off by donghyuck to not address mr na as ‘mummy’ and has followed that rule obediently, whenever jaemin accompanies him to the toilet, or when he holds jaemin’s hand before falling asleep, he doesn’t forget to whisper a “ _i’m so happy to see you again, mummy”._

jaemin does not want to admit it, but he is having fireworks and short circuits whenever little mochi calls him ‘mummy’. he also does not want to admit the wave of relief to see little mochi again, and to be able to know he can see him again next time makes jaemin giddy with joy.

“bye bye, haejeong! you too, chanmin!” donghyuck calls out and waves goodbye to the children. school has ended and jaemin stands by donghyuck while watching the children run into their parents’ arms. 

jaemin did take down notes and information useful for his novel, but he is definitely way more distracted being swooned by little mochi, _lee jaehwa_ , today. _damn it, i lost him! i didn’t even get to say goodby-_

“... mummy?” jaemin looks down on his legs and there little mochi is, hugging his legs just like the first time they met. 

“oh god, hi…” jaemin heaves a sigh of relief. “where’s your daddy? hurry along to your daddy, you don’t want to keep him waiting, don’t you?” 

“but, daddy isn’t here…” little mochi pouts but stands up eventually. he extends his arms and looks up at jaemin with puppy eyes, “up! up!” 

jaemin could not resist those cute little eyes and hoisted little mochi up into his arms. “wow.” jaemin hears and sees donghyuck snickering next to him. “you’re a natural already!” 

“oh shut up, donghyuck,” jaemin rolls his eyes. “isn’t mark and your daughter waiting for you right there? shouldn’t you get going instead of standing here giggling like an idiot?” 

“oh, that’s right, i gotta go, jaemin,” donghyuck says frantically as he packs up his bags and locks the door. “... and lee jaehwa will be in your care. is that alright, jaehwa?”

“mm-hm! i wanna wait with mum-, mr na…” he boy smiles sheepishly before hiding his embarrassed face in the crook of jaemin’s neck. 

“excuse me? what about my opinion, you’re just gonna leave me here?” jaemin yells but donghyuck had already ran far out onto the roadside and entered a car. he rolls down the windows and jaemin sees mark and his god daughter waving back at him. _i’m going to kill you one day, donghyuck._

“are you cold, jaehwa?” 

“no, mochi is not cold, i’m warm because you’re here!” little mochi declares proudly.

jaemin chuckles. “the snow is getting heavy, shall we get under the shelter?”

jaemin sets little mochi down on the bench and sits next to him. naturally, little mochi presses his hands into jaemin’s palms, urging him to hold onto his hand. he complies. “so, do you know when your daddy is going to come?”

“mmm, i don’t know… daddy is never this late.”

“do you know daddy’s number? we can call him,” jaemin suggests. 

“mmm, i don’t know daddy’s number…”

“um… what about your daddy’s name?”

just as he asks the question, his mind runs wild. over the years, he has definitely grown a deep hatred for the lees. it’s complicated. on one hand, jaemin can’t deny that lee jeno was a handsome alpha, looks strong, capable, independent. if it wasn’t for the things that had happened, jaemin would have married that alpha a long time ago. on the other hand, the lees had called off the marriage contract and stood on the sidelines while jaemin was drowning in his family’s mess where they never once reached out to help. although after thinking about it, jaemin could understand their actions and didn’t blame them. but it still hurt.

as jaemin thought deeper, lee jeno was the lees’ youngest and only bachelor left at that time… he turns to look at little mochi who is swinging his legs as he sits next to jaemin. _don’t tell me… he is lee jeno’s child? wait… the alpha yesterday, he did look familiar… or is he some random child from the extended lee family?_

“my daddy’s name… i think he’s called lee jonghyun…?” little mochi mutters under his breath. _wait what? not lee jeno…?_

jaemin is even more confused now. “how can you not know your daddy’s name? you sure he’s called lee jonghyun?”

little mochi puts his head in his hands and really thinks hard. he sits up and crosses his arms. “why don’t i remember daddy’s name? what is daddy’s name again? i know that he is _super super, duper duper handsome_ , and very tall! he is really good looking!”

_what does how good looking your father is has nothing to do with me,_ jaemin thought, _okay, but if that alpha yesterday was lee jeno.._. anyways, he can’t reason with children, especially cute ones like little mochi. however, the only person that can be described as ‘super super duper duper handsome’ and ‘good looking’ would probably only be lee jeno. 

now jaemin has mixed feelings. 

after his five years of absence in korea, his ex-fiance had already gotten married and had a child together. (oh wait, even if he wasn’t married, he must have found an omega) it probably had something to do with the na family, maybe it was to show that they had completely cut ties with jaemin’s family. unfortunately, the lee family’s level of secrecy was rather commendable since jaemin had not heard about anything while abroad. thinking of this, a sour taste forms in jaemin’s mouth.

it’s not that he really likes lee jeno. they have not ever met in real life before. jaemin’s only memory of jeno would probably be the id photo of a twenty year old jeno on the marriage documents. it has been seven years since he saw that photo, how does he even look like now? 

just thinking about it seems to make jaemin reflect about his past. the na family was so brilliant and powerful that even the next dominant family, the lees, were willing to match him up with their only son. 

moreover, jaemin admires himself a lot. he is so lucky that he had just picked up the son of his ex-husband? he is definitely going to buy a lottery ticket after this. 

just as he was sighing about his life, little mochi pulls his hand and jaemin realises that there is a child sitting next to him. it is an option to bring someone from the lee family back to his house with him. jaemin frowns and furrows his eyebrows until he focuses on the card little mochi carried with him around his neck.

“hey, is this your daddy’s number?” jaemin points to the card. he quickly whips out his phone and dials the number anyway. “ _… the number you have dialed is unavailab-”_

“damn it, is this a fake number on your card, jaehwa?” 

“i think daddy’s secretary is supposed to answer it.” little mochi replies, tilting his head cutely while watching jaemin get frustrated. what he doesn’t know is that jaemin is scolding lee jeno in his heart, about how irresponsible and unreliable of a parent he is!

when jaemin stands up to take a breath of fresh air, little mochi had thought jaemin was going to leave and rushed to hug jaemin around his legs. “a-are you leaving? don’t go, mummy!”

“no, no, i’m not leaving alright?” jaemin sighs. “so what should we do now?”

“i know where daddy works at!” little mochi offers and smiles. “i know how to get there!”

“it’s really not far is it?” jaemin asks, he’s a little worried because the paths are all icy and slippery, not to mention, the weather is getting worse and the sky is already darkening. little mochi shakes his head. “alright, now let’s go find your daddy.”

jaemin ended up carrying little mochi the entire journey. although his hands were getting tired, little mochi had already pressed his entire body on jaemin and hearing his little snores was more than enough to keep jaemin going. he brings his hand up to rub around little mochi’s watermelon head, _how can a child be this cute!_

once he had reached the ‘tall, blue building’ like little mochi had described, it was just in time when working hours had ended. jaemin watches the passing employees giving them odd looks and whispering among themselves. he quickly pats little mochi awake and sets him down. 

little mochi rubs his eyes groggily but links his little hands with jaemin’s once more. “come on, we are here, go on in now.” jaemin urges. he suddenly feels suffocated as the whispers get louder and more weird stares come their way. jaemin buries his head in his hands as he tries to calm down. he feels his throat tighten and his breaths getting shorter. jaemin tries his best to control his breathing but the noises in his head are getting louder by the minute and he doesn’t even realise little mochi is calling out to him. _they must have recognised me… the last standing member of the fallen na family… i need to get out of here… i need to leave mochi, i need to…_

“are you alright?” it was the same deep voice that made jaemin’s hair stand. he slowly picks up his head from where he hid in his palms and opens his eyes. there stands that same gorgeous alpha from yesterday. _are you lee jeno…? are you?_

“long time no see, mr na.”

_long time no see, mr na._

suddenly, the world goes silent while jaemin stares into jeno’s eyes as if he is trying to memorise every inch of his face. 

“i didn’t expect to see you here again, mr na,” jeno bows politely once more, snapping jaemin out of his trance. “and thank you for bringing little mochi here… i was working overtime and i totally forgot-”

when he sees jaemin staring at him wordlessly, he is suddenly struck with realisation. “oh god, i am so sorry, mr na, i forgot to introduce myself. i am lee jeno.”

“y-you’re jeno? oh my gosh, i mean, m-mr lee?” jaemin stutters when his brain connects the dots. 

“i-i, yes, i hope you haven’t forgotten about me?” jeno smiles sheepishly and holds out his hand towards jaemin. jaemin slips his hands in for a firm handshake while jeno continues to smile at him, almost shyly. “this is quite a strange setting for our first, no second, meeting right?”

“no! n-no, i meant i remember you… from just pictures… about seven years ago,” jaemin swallows. he doesn’t know why there is nervousness bubbling inside him now. “but, y-yeah, this is quite a strange way to meet you for the first time…”

jaemin bows once more and takes a look at little mochi’s face. his mouth shape doesn’t match with jeno’s nor is his nose bridge seem high like his father. _who is his mother? who is jeno's secret omega? how does jeno still recognise me? doesn’t his family hate me? why does jeno have a child?_ jaemin feels himself going dizzy and overwhelmed by the many questions in his head even though his suspicions were right. he just did not mentally prepare himself to meet his ex-fiance through taking care of his child that calls him ‘mummy’. 

“mummy! mummy! let me treat you to dinner!” 

_dinner?_

jaemin is stunned as he looks back up at little mochi who is already resting on jeno’s arms, confused. he takes a lot of effort to stand firmly and watched jeno take a step towards him. 

“i really apologise for troubling you to bring little mochi back here, i am really indebted to you now, mr na. and please don’t mind him, little mochi is still young and immature, going around calling others ‘mummy’ is definitely a bad habit he has to change. i apologise for offending you, let me treat you to dinner, mr na?”

suddenly, little mochi wrestles jeno to get him to put him down. he runs over to jaemin’s side and pulls on jaemin’s coat and pouts, “no, daddy! he is obviously my mummy!”

seeing his son’s serious attachment to his ex-fiance has gotten him another headache today. he sighs, “then why don’t you try explaining, who was that lady that you called mummy last week? didn’t you keep repeating her name… what was it, again?”

this question is even more transcendent for little mochi. how would a five-year-old kid who can’t even remember his own father’s name-- _lee jonghyun_ \--know the answer to that? little mochi's subconsciousness tells him that his father is only trying to embarrass him and turns to glare hard at jeno. but seeing that his father didn’t look at him once, his eyes had fallen on his mother he had just found instead, and began to look at jaemin thoughtfully for a long time. 

lee jeno is indeed a very smooth person. the young masters who grew up in a big family business like them are different. they have the blood and bones of the nobles which just allow them to acquire skills in speaking and doing things in their favour. it isn’t any different from the current situation. a simple ‘mr na.’ is easy enough to expose jaemin's history that he has struggled to forget the last five years.

while these things are trivial but at the same time, complicated, it is probably worth nothing to a person like lee jeno. the meaning of jaemin's engagement back then was like a wave of reckless rumours. if it is broken, it is broken. it’s just that one of them is still a superior lee family head, but one of them has become an ordinary person on the streets.

in the end, jaemin did not reject the dinner offer. now that he has returned to seoul after five years, the city has changed tremendously. taxi fees are sky rocketing and the roads have become a maze for jaemin, he definitely can use a free ride back home. 

jaemin follows the pair towards the sleek, black car parked at the roundabout. he watches little mochi bounce up and down as he skips towards the car. jaemin smiles politely and begins, “i’m sorry, i think… just jaemin is fine, please.”

jeno looks back confused but nods respectfully and flashes another of that smile. it makes jaemin’s knees go weak. if only he could travel back in time of seven years, he would have snagged jeno for himself without thinking twice. 

as jaemin walked faster to catch up with them, his shoes were suddenly stuck in the gaps of the drains by the roadside. he stretches out his hand and lowers his head to try to get his shoes out but his scent glands were exposed.

at that time, a gentle breeze blew by, lifting his soft hair gathered on the back of his neck, exposing his scent glands just right.

jaemin had no idea and when he realised, one hand had already covered his scent glands. an omega’s sensitivity had his mind going blank. the hand on his neck had quickly helped jaemin to cover the corner of the scent blocker sticker that had come off. 

he turned around and noticed that jeno had just helped him readjust his scent blockers. _no wonder little mochi said i smelt like honey peaches again today._

it’s just that children can’t tell the difference. jaemin does not have the standard peachy pheromones. he had sampled it at a pheromone exhibition hall when he was abroad. there were various kinds of peachy smells. the ordinary sweet peach smell had made him feel greasy, as if he had sprayed too much perfume. his honey peach pheromones are better, they are light and refreshing, faint but fragrant. you won’t get tired of this smell for a long time, and it is even quite suitable as incense at home. 

however, it looks like a stranger alpha has pasted a scent blocker for a stranger omega, which is a rude and disrespectful act to begin with. if it wasn’t for jaemin’s pheromones to have let out a long way ago, plus he had already done surrogacy, given that he had seen enough about these things between an alpha and an omega, jaemin would have turned around and slapped jeno across the face in an instant. 

jeno stares at jaemin with a smile, without any hinge of embarrassment displayed, "i apologise for being rude, but mr na does indeed have a peachy smell.”

jaemin’s mood suddenly sours. “i said, don’t call me mr na.” it wasn't jeno's fault, if it had been anyone, calling him mr na would seem to be rubbing salt in his wound and highlighting his family’s downfall.

he sighs and gets his shoes out before walking a few steps ahead quickly to open the car door for little mochi and sat down, before realising jeno was still looking at him outside, a little surprised. when jaemin wanted to call jeno over, the man in his suit and leather shoes had already begun walking towards them with his work bag in his hand. the embarrassment burnt in jaemin’s heart while little mochi had made himself comfortable in his lap and stared at jaemin curiously.

as the sound of the car trunk opening clicked, jaemin raised his hand to rub little mochi’s head gently. _in all honesty, jaemin can’t calm down now._

jaemin wasn’t the type to greet someone when he meets a handsome and gorgeous alpha. after the surrogacy, jaemin felt that he has seen the whole world and it’s time to become a monk. after all, he had hid the surrogacy well, since there was no news about it in the media. the japanese sake pheromones of that year had long disappeared without a trace and what is left is an unmarked omega. 

of course, it wasn’t as if no one tried to chase jaemin while he was abroad. but firstly, none of them were of his type, and secondly, even for kinder alphas, it is not the same for omegas that have been _opened_ , like peeling an unopened flower to leave its bud. such omegas like jaemin are no longer responsive to an alpha’s advances. so come and go, falling in love is like a kite that is stuck in the highest branch of a tree— _unreachable._

but he was shy just now, _purely_ because jeno was his goddamn taste. every part of this alpha was ticking off every check box on jaemin’s imaginary list. _perfection._ he may have agreed to marry this alpha simply from looking at photos five years ago, but this time, jeno is just right before his eyes, alive and moving, and his heart that had been unmoving for years has been shaken again. 

_forget it_ , jaemin tells himself. _this alpha already has a child, i should definitely stay away._

jeno had already gotten into the driver’s seat and leaned back to ask, “jaemin, would you like to sit in the front instead? little mochi might get noisy.”

“i’m not noisy, daddy! you’re so mean!” 

jaemin looks at little mochi and that warm, fuzzy feeling is back in his chest. the pair of brown teddy bear socks that he had worn in the morning had come off and gathered at his little toes. his snowy-white and soft feet were exposed, _and they are very cute._

bending over, jaemin helps to put on his socks back properly, worried that little mochi might catch a cold while casually responding, “it’s alright, he’s a good boy, he even knows where his daddy’s workplace is. he’s much smarter than ordinary children.”

jeno’s gaze fell on jaemin’s face through the mirror, the warm light from the streetlamps had hit his cheeks, looking peaceful and outrageously beautiful.

jeno was in a rather good mood and asked, “you seem to like children very much?”

jaemin raised his head, looking a little dazed but replied, “yes i do, maybe because i don’t have one.”

and little mochi had somehow grasped the main point of this entire conversation, “because i am mummy’s one and only!”

-

naturally, if lee jeno were to treat someone to dinner, the standard would definitely be good. meanwhile, jaemin takes care of little mochi in the back seat and looks out of the car window from time to time to see how much seoul has changed in a matter of a few years. however, jaemin could still vaguely remember the roads in gangnam, after all, he once lived in this expensive city. 

the restaurant that jeno had brought them to wasn’t anything on the high-end but rather a cozy, home-run korean restaurant. as if jeno had sensed jaemin’s surprise, he stopped the car. when all of them get out of the car, jeno walks next to jaemin and explains, “little mochi doesn’t really like western cuisine much. meals have always been traditional and occasionally a little bit of chinese since young.”

jaemin hums and jokes, “isn’t that easy for you?”

“well, what you are saying is that compared to other kids of his age, little mochi is indeed a lot better to take care of…” jeno says amused. 

the evening breeze was very comfortable as they walked along the path and jaemin feels like he is finally at ease somehow, despite this odd situation he has found himself in. “maybe it’s a little sad that little mochi goes around and starts calling strangers ‘mummy’ huh? i’m just a single omega, mr lee, and now i’ve suddenly gotten a son!”

jaemin glances at jeno and smirks, “don’t you think i should get a little compensation for my innocence?”

jeno raises his eyebrows back at jaemin, “how do you want me to compensate you?”

jaemin is a little shorter than jeno but from this angle, he could see the whirl of wind playing with jeno’s soft black locks. 

ever since the news of lee jeno’s engagement was publicised, everyone had then realised that such a golden, elite alpha from the lee family has reached the age of marriage. business arranged marriages weren’t anything strange for the young master since he grew up in a big business family. obviously, for a nineteen-year-old alpha, jeno definitely had zero interest in looking for his mate and partner. nevertheless, jeno’s mother would not stop pestering him with piles of documents of suitable omega’s and even betas for him to choose from. of all the candidates, with the available documents, jeno only had eyes on the young master ‘na jaemin’.

although the news of the arrangement had been released, those who were desperate to get onto the na and lee family’s side haven’t given up and there were still offers for other arrangements with other families. for an all-alpha family like the na’s, an omega like jaemin was just nothing more than a convenient decoration of their family. unexpectedly, jeno was clear about his choice at that time and had repeatedly emphasised, “i already have an omega fiance” to anyone who was thinking of intervening in their arranged marriage. 

many omegas of other families had flinched and backed down at this sentence but no one knew that the na family was going bankrupt in a few weeks time. everyone had waited and watched the entire fiasco unfold. once they saw that the lee family wasn’t going to help the na’s, the omegas from various families had started lining up at the lee family’s door. 

jeno didn’t have any thoughts about jaemin, after all, they have not met each other in real life. but he remembers that the na family’s information in the documents were comparatively better than the rest. he had even sadly asked his mother whether they should help the na’s. this time, it was rather obvious that someone had framed them but much more than those who were willing to help, it was a better option to take this opportunity to trample on a big cooperation for your own benefit in the business world. after asking for help on several occasions, his mother had finally looked at him and decided that the sincerity in his son was nothing but honest, and so she finally decided to offer a little help. 

not long after, jeno had heard that the na family had already returned nearly half of their debts and the chaos in the business world had started to calm down. jeno was relieved. the next time jeno mentioned about the na family by accident, his mother only said that na jaemin had already gone abroad. since no one mentioned the marriage contract, it was probably deemed invalid. 

for many years, jeno had countless omegas who wanted him and continued to seduce him. once the news about jeno having a son--little mochi--had gotten out, and since they couldn’t get much through jeno, they had turned to focus on his son. 

at first, little mochi was stuffed with candy and he would be so happy to eat them. later on, someone would ask, “am i your mother?” but despite not being able to speak properly yet, his little hands would be gripping onto the jellybeans tightly while shaking his head firmly. _no, you’re not._

when little mochi grew up a little and became smarter in accessing different situations, jeno could finally heave a huge sigh of relief. 

since the marriage contract with the na family was officially annulled, jeno had never thought about getting married. when he first saw na jaemin holding onto little mochi’s hand while on the roadside, he had almost confused jaemin with the other omegas that have similarly done this to get jeno’s attention. but seeing jaemin hurrying to go and didn’t seem to have any other ill intentions, jeno was reassured. 

when they met the next day, it really did seem that it was fate that brought them together rather than someone forcing a knot in the red string of fate. once jeno is in a good mood, his actions never go past his mind and had mindlessly helped jaemin adjust his scent blocker sticker. 

there is a saying that the rare honey peach smell is intoxicating. _i must be drunk off these addicting pheromones,_ jeno had thought. 

_“don’t you think i should get a little compensation for my innocence?”_ hearing jaemin’s ridiculous and suggestive remark, jeno’s mood suddenly sours when he remembers the times that the other omegas have all asked for him this way. jeno frowns and examines jaemin for a long while.

after all, jaemin is different from other omegas. jeno is enjoying it even if jaemin were playing with his kind heart, so he simply continued, “how do you want me to compensate you?”

they have already settled into a cozy corner of the restaurant and jaemin helps little mochi out of his thick padded jacket and scarf. jaemin was wearing a rather loose hoodie underneath his own jacket and when he lifted his shoulders to remove his outerwear, the collar of the hoodie had slid down a little lower to reveal jaemin’s delicate and sharp collarbones. 

jeno feels his cheeks heat up and looks away quickly and hears jaemin say, “what about money? like a babysitter fee or something? what about tips for my special appearance?”

_why aren’t you playing your cards, na jaemin? you truly are a wonder._

jeno felt oddly surprised and uncomfortable so he just pushed the menu towards jaemin. “treating you dinner will do just fine.”

jaemin watches jeno throw a small temper like his own son. _a grown man having a temper like his own son?_ _it’s all a joke… it’s not like i’m really making you pay me? and it’s not like you’re short on money or whatever, mr lee!_

jeno seemed to be a frequent customer of this restaurant. when the shop owner had served them hot drinks, she had greeted jeno personally by his first name. she also bent over to tease little mochi by poking him in the cheek and placing a mint candy in little mochi’s palms. 

when the shop owner left, little mochi had then turned to face jaemin showing his large puppy eyes once more, “ _mummy…_ i don’t like mints!” little mochi continues to grab onto jaemin’s arm and whines like a baby. 

“lee jaehwa!” jeno had whispered loudly. “what did i tell you? you don’t go around to call anyone-”

jeno stops when jaemin places a reassuring hand on jeno’s. “it’s really alright,” jaemin says and turns to little mochi. “but unfortunately, mummy doesn’t like mint candies either.” _jaemin totally isn’t enjoying the way referring to himself as mochi’s mummy is just so natural._

there was a slight disappointment evident on little mochi’s face but he took the candy and pushed it across the table towards his father and huffs, “since mummy doesn’t like mint candies, i guess i have to give it to you!” _oh, so now i’m your second choice hm?_ jeno rolls his eyes. 

meanwhile, the shop owner was staring at the three, dumbfounded. _is that mr lee’s rumoured secret omega lover? no, isn’t that the young master of the na family? not only did they get married secretly, but also had a child?_

once they had ordered various dishes, the table had gone silent. jeno decides that he shall lead the conversation and begins, “actually, i knew i was going to be working overtime so i wanted to send my secretary to pick up little mochi. but somehow, i don’t know where he went and neglected his duties.”

jaemin raises his eyebrows in surprise, “then i guess it’s rather fortunate that i was there at the kindergarten today. otherwise, little mochi would’ve waited in the cold for a long time. and we couldn’t get through the phone with the number on his card when we called.”

jeno sighs and holds his head in his hands. “well, that number is for my assistant… since it isn’t convenient for my personal phone number to be disclosed.”

until now, jaemin still can’t understand jeno’s mindset as a grown man who is a father of a child. you could say that it may seem that jeno doesn’t like his child wholeheartedly from the two times he had ‘lost’ his child clumsily in a span of two days that jaemin had met him. at the same time, you can’t say that either, it’s obvious from the bond that little mochi and jeno share. 

jaemin had heard about all sorts of gossip but he wonders, _who gave birth to little mochi? which omega? his secret omega lover? where are they now? are they out of the picture?_

thinking about all these, jaemin takes a look at little mochi and feels a strange pull and an odd sense of a need to protect this child that isn’t even his.

when their food arrived, little mochi had started bouncing up and down in his seat excitedly. jeno had used chopsticks to place a few pieces of jokbal (pig’s feet) and sundae (boiled intestine sausages) into little mochi’s plate. jaemin stares at little mochi who gobbled down the food. little mochi really did bring about a sense of maturity that did not match his age. other five-year-olds would generally like pajeon (fried pancakes) or rice balls but little mochi is the other way around. 

jaemin savours the hot food as they warm him up. he feels bad when he picks out the cheese from cheese tteokbokki (rice cakes). when little mochi sees jaemin picking out ‘clean’ rice cakes, his little mouth forms an ‘o’ and asks curiously, “mummy, you don’t like cheese?”

and when jaemin looks up, he watches jeno stuff a whole spoon wrapped in just cheese into his mouth. he seemed shocked, and almost offended as he chews on the cheese, “you don’t like it either?” 

jaemin nods in disgust, although lactose intolerance was part of the reason, he simply hated cheese more than other dairy products.

“what a coincidence, little mochi doesn’t like it either.” jeno’s face softens once he starts talking about his son. “i thought it was his lactose intolerance, but likes milk and cream puffs, so i guess it’s just the cheese. one time, our new domestic helper had made little mochi sandwiches with cheese in it, and he cried all afternoon! you two are so alike! would you cry and throw a tantrum all day if you ate cheese too?” jeno teases.

jaemin knew it was just a joke but he still glared at jeno anyway. meanwhile, little mochi had hugged jaemin once more and declared proudly, “what do you even know daddy, this is called _inheritance_.”

_wow, ‘inheritance’. that’s a big word even for a smart child like little mochi_.

jaemin thinks that he and jeno shouldn’t have anything to do with each other. of course, when the lee corporation's building had moved right one street down from the na’s old building, jaemin was a little surprised. the reason why he didn’t enter the building to send little mochi was also because of suspicion and wariness. their marriage news were once raging in their industry and jeno’s mother had even prepared a huge diamond ring for jaemin. that is, until the na’s went bankrupt.

little mochi had grown up without an omega mother. he had grew up with a clumsy father who was busy with work and probably too distracted to take care of him. jaemin’s heart sank as he watched little mochi’s fascination and adoration for him up till now. he wonders just how much does little mochi desire and wishes to have an omega mother.

once dinner was over, it was already little mochi’s bedtime. jaemin helps to carry little mochi into the backseat where he laid him on his lap and pat his swelled tummy and lulls him to sleep. surprisingly, jeno had asked for jaemin’s phone number when he passed him his personal phone. he was shocked at first but realises that jeno just wanted his address. but jaemin was still satisfied anyway. this hopefully isn’t the last time he’s seeing little mochi.

the two of them were speechless along the way back to jaemin’s apartment. somehow, jaemin feels that his heart is tightening, and it seems to be something about little mochi. there’s just this complicated feeling and weird thoughts that he wished he could just ask jeno about. 

when they finally reached the gate of jaemin’s apartment, little mochi had already fallen asleep, filling the car with his soft snores. jaemin gently removes his legs and replaces a pillow underneath little mochi’s head. 

jeno waves goodbye to him before entering the car again. after walking a few steps, jaemin turns back and walks back to the car. he knocks on the car windows and jeno rolls them down. the aimless thoughts he had in the car seemed to finally find a vent to be released, a thousand words had squeezed into a single sentence, “hurry up and find a mother for little mochi, he really wants one.”

jaemin doesn’t know whether the jeno’s secret omega lover who gave birth to little mochi was dead or alive or whether the lee family prevented jeno from meeting them. he doesn’t know the full picture and he shall not comment about it. 

he wasn’t expecting a reply so he turns on his feet and walks away. before he gets far, he hears the sound of the car door clicking and stops in his tracks. jaemin turns around to see jeno leaning against the car, his hands tucked in his pockets, a guilty and apologetic smile appears on his face.

“but i don’t have a lover.”

he said. 

-  
  


by the time jaemin had finished cleaning up his apartment, it was already noon and he’s starting to get hungry. although he is an omega in their mid-twenties and has even given birth to a child, he can’t even do simple cooking. feeling ashamed, he dragged himself out of his house into the cold outside to the convenience store to get some instant food.

before donghyuck ended class at the kindergarten the day before, he had begged jaemin to come in and work as a part-time teacher since one of the teachers was migrating across the globe and he desperately needed an extra pair of hands. given jaemin did not have much on his to-do list, and he was already planning to visit more often to gather more notes for his novel—and totally not to see little mochi—he had agreed.

on the first day of work, jaemin had come in early to learn about the rules and lessons from donghyuck. to his surprise, little mochi was already playing with himself in the toys room. he enters the room quietly and observes the boy try to connect train tracks. 

“lee jaehwa! have you greet mr na yet?” donghyuck says when he stops by the door. little mochi whips his head around to see his ‘mummy’ squatting behind him. his eyes brightens up instantly and pounces on jaemin until the two of them fall backwards onto the floor. 

“mummy!” little mochi squeals and buries his head in jaemin’s chest. 

“don’t be rude, jaehwa. mr na is going to be our new teacher for quite some time. you got to greet him properly! where are your manners?” donghyuck chides but there’s a smirk thrown at jaemin. jaemin could not help but feel his cheeks warming up. donghyuck is going to pester him all day and he would have no choice but to spill the beans. 

“good morning, mr na!” little mochi greets, bowing his watermelon head towards jaemin.

“good morning to you too, jaehwa.” 

the day passes quickly as jaemin rushes around the classroom helping kids with arts and crafts, feeding the younger children lunch, putting them to sleep, and dancing along with them to ‘baby shark’ on repeat. as jaemin walks each child to their parents who were waiting at the gate, he entertains some enthusiastic parents that were asking about their child’s performance in class or simply having a small talk with him to try to analyse the new kindergarten teacher.

it was already dark by the time the last parent was gone. he looks out to the beautiful night sky above seoul. although the kindergarten was on the ground floor, he could see the row of high-rise buildings down the street and they lit up the dark night. 

jaemin bends down to take off his apron and notices that the cuffs of his white hoodie was stained with paint from arts and crafts lessons. he picks up a random paintbrush and dips it in a little paint before covering up the spot with a heart shape. once he is satisfied, he quickly helps donghyuck clean up the classrooms. 

when jaemin hangs his apron on the hook, he suddenly hears a soft knock on the glass door and a voice says, “mummy, why did you hold the other kids’ hands?”

jaemin turned his head to see little mochi in a brown bear ear jacket with his face buried in the scarf he was wrapped in. although the corridor was dark, jaemin could still make out the slight unhappiness displayed on little mochi’s face. little mochi pouts cutely then scrunches up his nose and jaemin is suddenly reminded of a picture of himself when he was about five or six years old in his childhood photo album. 

_little mochi really does look like me when i was his age…_

“are you daydreaming?” a little laughter reverberated in a man’s low voice and jaemin realises that little mochi wasn’t alone. there lee jeno stood, holding onto his son’s hands while tilting his head to smile at jaemin.

jaemin snaps out of his thoughts and replies, “i wasn’t daydreaming, i just suddenly felt that little mochi looked a lot like me when i was young.”

once he finishes his sentence, jaemin realises that he has said something _taboo_ . all jaemin wanted to do right now was to slap himself. how could he make such a mistake? it would’ve been less awkward and weird if he knew it in his heart but _why did you have to say it, na jaemin? it’s as if you’re self-proclaiming to be little mochi’s mother? don’t get ahead of yourself, stupid._

jeno stands at the door, staring at him with a gentle smile on his face. jaemin knows he must be looking as red as a tomato right now but he quickly changes the subject to avoid more embarrassment, “why are you here, mr lee?”

“oh please, just jeno will do-”

before jeno could continue, little mochi had interrupted them and started to act like a whiny baby again, “mummy… you haven’t answered the question i asked just now!” _ah, it’s definitely not an easy task to deal with jealous children_.

“actually, i'm not you…” jaemin just wanted to give little mochi a serious conversation to clear up this whole misunderstanding before it’s too late but the second he raises his head, he meets jeno’s eyes that were full of ambiguous threats. the message seemed like, “if you dare break my son’s heart, i’ll kill you.”

jaemin could then only turn around and say, “how can any kid compare to you little mochi? you’re the cutest, cutest, cutest! no one is like you, alright?” 

“i am special?” little mochi asks excitedly.

“of course you are! the most special.” jaemin bends down to squeeze little mochi’s cheeks. 

luckily, jeno seemed to be satisfied with his answer. after watching jaemin arrange the tables and chairs in the room silently, jeno suddenly remembers his question. “oh, i remembered receiving a notice regarding the new teacher joining the kindergarten, so i thought i’d take a look. but, i didn’t expect the new teacher to be you, mr n-, jaemin.” 

_jaemin_ . the way his name rolls off jeno's tongue for the first time feels _odd._ but jaemin could get used to this, the first of the many walls between the alpha and omega seemed to be lifted, they are now one step closer. not only that, jaemin feels at ease, knowing that it was possible to start afresh as _jaemin_ and not _na jaemin._

“well, i just thought i had some time on my hands and donghyuck really begged me to help out so i decided why not?” jaemin shrugs his shoulders. “besides, i get to see this little cutie over here, hm?”

just when the room falls silent, jaemin’s stomach growls in front of the other two people.

at first, his stomach only growled once but it was followed by one growl after another! who would have thought he would be this hungry, it almost felt like the times he starved to death when study hours were terribly long during highschool.

when he dares himself to peek at the man in front of him, he sees jeno turning his head to the side and laughing softly. _and this is the second time i’ve embarrassed myself in a span of five minutes, what is wrong with me?_ meanwhile, little mochi had shuffled over to jaemin and held his hand as if to reassure him and his growling stomach.

“look, daddy, mummy is hungry, let’s go eat!” little mochi says, pointing to jaemin’s stomach.

and that is how little mochi successfully ‘abducted’ jaemin and he’s now sitting in the front seat of jeno’s car. jaemin was extremely aware of how fast his heart is beating and he knows his ears are still red from the embarrassing scene just now. when he thought he couldn’t get even more nervous, jeno reached over him and helped him with the seatbelt. 

jaemin freezes and stares at the crown of jeno’s head when he inserts the seatbelt into the card slot. jeno was so close that he could almost feel jeno’s hair tickling against his lips. _what sort of drama am i living in right now,_ jaemin thought. 

when jeno pulls back, he doesn’t spare a look at jaemin but only says, “um, you forgot your seatbelt.” jaemin was still frozen up but tried to steal a glance at jeno to see a slight pink hue dusting jeno’s porcelain white skin. or maybe, it is from the light outside. 

_i am back in seoul for only three days and yet i've spent two nights with these two people with the surname lee._

according to his experience—from yesterday—after dinner, little mochi will pull on his pants and ask jaemin to accompany him to the nearby playground or go shopping. jeno would then stand outside holding two cups of warm milk tea and wait till little mochi gets tired of playing the slides. jeno would then hand jaemin one of the cups of milk tea and say, “this is for you” in a sweet voice. as for little mochi, he would conveniently ask for sips from both of their cups. 

if the protagonists of this drama were not him and lee jeno, this would be a beautiful, dreamy, and even romantic scene of a loving couple and their child. 

jaemin clears his throat and leans back into the seat. his eyes fall on the cuff of jeno’s white button-up formal work attire. _he sprayed cologne on his wrists today,_ jaemin could smell it if he were to lower his head a little. it had the fresh smell of cedar mixed with lemongrass, and it was a very appealing scent. 

the fragrance of cedar floats around jaemin’s nose. he remembers that when he followed his father to the company for the first time, he was advised that when choosing a cologne, it should be a mature scent, not too strong, not too weak, and not too sweet. it shouldn’t be too refreshing either. cedar was a great choice. 

jaemin likes the smell of cedar. he remembers hearing about it in the pheromone museum. it is plain but fragrant, and does not show off any sense of aggressiveness in an alpha. before he got pregnant, jaemin had always told himself that when he finds an alpha, he must have the smell of cedar. and definitely not one with a sharp, alcoholic smell of japanese sake that he had smelt later. 

_lee jeno… what are you trying to play here?_

_why is this alpha like this? even simply spraying on perfume makes it seem like he’s trying to tease me…_

jaemin’s reddened ears have not faded but are now burning up. jeno’s cologne seems to be affecting every inch of jaemin’s body, flipping him inside out. it’s as if a handful of firewood is being thrown into his burning heart which reminds him of the burn he felt after hearing jeni’s words about ‘a lover’ last night. the more you fan the flames, the more they burn, the more it rages.

they are already adults, and this kind of close contact would be crossing the sensitive safety line. jaemin realises that the redness on his cheeks and ears are never going away at this rate and curses at himself internally that this has _nothing_ to do with him. how can an omega, who has given birth, blush so hard when a handsome alpha flirts with him? _this is the most embarrassing day of my entire life._

jaemin continues watching jeno from the side of his eye. jeno has his face turned to face the roads while the warm, yellow street lamps cast a shadow from his cheekbones to his jawline and down his neck. jaemin lets out a satisfied sigh. _he’s much more handsome than that id photo that year._

if lee jeno happened to meet jaemin’s high standards before, now that the alpha is all grown and glowing, he’s probably skyrocketed and exceeded those standards. 

when the car finally comes to a stop at a red light, jaemin peeks at little mochi through the mirror. he was already fast asleep while clutching onto his teddy bear water bottle. jaemin then goes back to avoid looking at jeno and his gorgeous face to prevent more butterflies tickling his insides. 

when jeno thoughtlessly stretched out his arms in front of jaemin, the cedar fragrance floated into his nose once again, making it itch. 

“don’t be shy.”

the traffic light turns green and jeno places his hands on the steering wheel again, “we are all human, we all get hungry, no one will laugh at you.”

immediately afterwards, jaemin chokes on himself before laughter starts bubbling from his chest. 

_lee jeno… you are one such alpha..._

-

little mochi, who has always loved traditional korean dishes, was clamoring to eat western food today. when jeno bent down to lift his son up off the backseat, his water bottle was pressing hard against his chest. to make matters worse, little mochi whined and struggled in jeno’s arms while looking all over for jaemin. when he finally spots jaemin that just got out of the car, he frowns and whines, “i want mummy. i want mummy to carry me!”

jeno sighs and lowers his head in defeat, “you really don’t have a heart, little mochi. you’re abandoning your daddy just like that?”

once little mochi is lowered onto the ground, he runs to jaemin and hugs his thighs as usual. 

although it wasn’t too cold today, the wind was so strong that jaemin wouldn’t even open his eyes. jaemin quickly held little mochi under his armpits and hoisted him up, stuffing him tightly against his warm chest. little did he know, jeno was standing on the side, watching this scene with fondness and excitement. 

somehow, ever since jaemin had met little mochi, his inner maternal love had been thoroughly aroused. this wasn’t even his child, but the omega in him is making his heart wobble at the side of this adorable child. jaemin felt a strong urge and need to protect this child at all costs. 

“come on, put your hands below his butt. it’ll feel better.” jeno comments as he catches up to them. he reaches up and adjusts jaemin’s arms properly around little mochi and indeed, it did feel better. “you should practice holding him more often.”

jaemin gave jeno a distracted look and huffs, “why should i practice holding him more often?”

jeno casts jaemin a look before turning on his heels to walk forward, his low voice travelling along with the wind into jaemin’s ears. “you have to babysit, sooner or later anyway. it’s better to learn well in advance.”

_sooner or later? babysitting? little mochi? my non-existent future child?_

jaemin’s ears instantly turned red again. he could feel every cell in his body sizzling. little mochi who was leaning his head in the crook of his neck was totally oblivious to whatever that was happening.

_is this what a dialogue between an adult alpha and an adult omega is supposed to be like?_ it seemed like every word had a hidden, alternative meaning. 

jaemin is suddenly pissed off. _even if i'm jobless and absolutely cashless in the future, i will not crawl over to the lee’s and become their nanny to babysit their children!_

dinner was a rather smooth affair until jaemin took a look at the prices on the menu and got a shock. it has been a long seven years since he had such a lavish dinner. jeno was expressionless when he swiped his card to pay for their _extremely expensive_ dinner. it was probably close to the total amount that jaemin spends on food in two whole months. 

little mochi had taken off his little bib and wiped his mouth with a tissue independently. he frowns while looking at jeno, “daddy, western food is indeed _bleh!_ ” little mochi makes an ugly face and sticks out his tongue to show his disgust. “let’s go eat bibimbap next time.”

jeno settles into the seat opposite of jaemin, his eyes falling on jaemin who had devoured two steaks and three slices of cake as well as countless other desserts from pudding to even a huge scoop of matcha ice cream. jeno raises his eyebrows knowingly and smirks, “but some people love to eat western food though.”

little mochi then looks at jaemin and his eyes widen. indeed, little mochi is one smart and sensible child. “since mummy likes western food, let’s eat it more often!” after saying this, he turns to look at jaemin with puppy eyes full of expectation as if saying “see how sensible i am, please and praise me!”

_well, i was just… really, really hungry._

jaemin put down his fork in his hand and leaned back to cater to his filled tummy. “who said i love western food, little mochi, if you like to eat bibimbap, we should eat that next time! we’ll eat tteokbokki, jjajangmyeon, samgyeopsal… everyday!”

little mochi nods his head furiously and turns back to stare at jeno with joy. jeno thought for a moment and looked at jaemin, “then i’ll pick you up after i get off work tomorrow.”

jaemin then realised what he had just said. indeed, it’s no kidding why people say one year of pregnancy equals another three years of stupidity. he’s afraid that all his remaining iq in this life will be lost to these two people named lee jeno and lee jaehwa. 

it was already past nine when they exited the restaurant. jeno had once again taken advantage of this time when little mochi had already fallen asleep in his arms to cast his smiley eyes towards jaemin. 

jaemin didn’t like how jeno was looking at him right now. 

although jaemin had never dated, nor been in love, he is still an adult omega in his mid-twenties. he has lived long enough to have seen enough of this world. when jeno looks at him like this, he seems to be looking at an alpha who’s trying to hunt down the omega in front of him. it makes him feel confused yet oddly fascinated. 

once they are settled in the car, the atmosphere suddenly changes. “are you short on money?”

jaemin sinks back into the seat. “that’s not true. i’m just used to saving money, it’s become a habit now.”

after the na family had gone bankrupt, he was busy paying off debts and easing relationships between other businesses. there were many people and things he had to spend money on and in many cases, he was unable to make ends meet. this had made him develop his frugal habits and lifestyle for the past five years. even if he is living rather comfortably now, he is always aiming to be as frugal as possible. 

hearing this, jeno frowns and looks almost guilty. he pauses before asking softly, “your family… was it difficult for you then?”

jeno had asked his mother but she had also said it was a very difficult and painful period of time. jaemin was stunned by the question but eventually nodded. 

jeno place his hands on the steering wheel, avoiding jaemin’s eyes, “i’m sorry i couldn’t help you back then?”

“... it’s okay.”

but what’s the matter? is there a need to apologise? the most _compassionate_ people in the world are businessmen. jaemin could totally understand whether or not jeno had helped him, how much he had helped him and even whatever he did back then. personal benefits are things that businessmen flock to, and _not_ the plausible feelings of an omega fiance that one had never even met. 

jaemin rolls the car window down a crack to let in some fresh air. the night breeze has helped to dissipate the cloudiness of his mind. he pauses for a moment before answering, “it’s all in the past. 

no matter what, life still goes on. lee jeno is a trick, little mochi is also a trick. 

little mochi is still attending the very kindergarten that jaemin is teaching at and jaemin discovers that little mochi is gifted. his communication and problem-solving skills are far exceeding the level of other five-year-olds. especially his drawing talent that little mochi displays during arts class that jaemin teaches more often.

by the time kindergarten ends, it’s always around dinner time at six o’clock. and lee jeno is consistently fetching his son and jaemin together before stopping for dinner as a trio along the way home. 

_as the ceo of a company, lee jeno is sure enjoying his life leisurely_ , jaemin thought. sometimes when jeno finishes a business deal, he leaves work in the middle of the day to visit little mochi at kindergarten. it somehow always coincides with art class when jeno arrives at their school. and it is also donghyuck’s fault for allowing a ‘stranger’ into the protected premises of the kindergarten. 

lee jeno would just sit in the corner of the classroom and watch his son paint and make crafts silently. there are more than ten other kids in jaemin’s art class, and definitely not a one-to-one tutoring session with little mochi only. yet, whenever little mochi looks up to find jaemin attending to another child, he would yell aloud, “where are you, mummy!” as if donghyuck countless scoldings were not enough. 

over time, the parents of little mochi’s classmates have started to inquire of jaemin, “you’ve given birth already, mr na? i didn’t know your child was in the same class as mine!” it also doesn’t help that jaemin now has to entertain the other omega mothers that crowd around him to chit chat after school everyday. 

what’s more, they would point to jeno who would be pushing his son on the swings by the kindergarten gate and gush and tease jaemin, “is that your alpha? he’s so good looking! your taste is not bad, mr na! he looks like a very youthful and promising alpha.”

jaemin couldn’t argue with that. 

the most important thing is that this matter can somehow reach his god-parent’s ears who were donghyuck’s parents since their families were close since childhood although they weren’t part of the business scene. jaemin had confronted donghyuck but he had swore he kept his lips zipped the entire time. his godparents had specially visited the kindergarten one day to ask jaemin about this situation but thankfully jaemin managed to explain most of things briefly before earning a ‘pass’.

however, it was obvious that his godparents did not believe him. after all, they are much more experienced and have seen all sorts of relationships between alphas and omegas. they knew that there was something going on between jaemin and jeno. 

as a result, his godparents had arranged a face-to-face meeting with lee jeno and little mochi. donghyuck and mark had even squatted outside the restaurant to sneak a peek of all the drama too. being the most capable alpha he is, jeno had presented himself well and jaemin’s godparents really couldn’t find any flaws in this man. little mochi had even captured the hearts of the older couple. by the end of the dinner, jaemin could conclude that he has long caught the fishing hook of the lee’s. 

once jaemin had sent his godparents and a worried donghyuck away, they were once again, back in jeno’s car. jaemin quickly buckles his seatbelt mindlessly before burying his head in his hands. his brain was muddled with his own personal worries and fears, it was getting difficult to breathe. 

jeno plugged in the keys and started the car before catching a look of jaemin's weary expression. “why did you agree to come for dinner with my godparents?” jaemin asks.

jeno only stretched out his hand to rub his head. “it was bound to happen someday.”

jaemin was stupefied for a long while before concluding it was the alcohol that was making him all dizzy. _how could this happen,_ he whispered to himself. 

“lee jeno, please just be clear,” jaemin turns to stare at the other. “let’s act like adults. i like to be direct.”

jeno looks a bit surprised. “so you like straightforward men? i got you.”

jaemin’s ferocious tone earlier turned out to be cute unfortunately, mostly due to the little alcohol high. every word was like a punch to jeno’s heart, soft and ticklish.

when the car ran into a red light, jeno peers at the rearview mirror to see little mochi sleeping with his mouth wide open before smiling in relief. 

“to say it in simple terms, i'm chasing you.”

and _click_ , jaemin’s brain has gone completely dead. 

-

lee jeno’s words were the perfect medicine to sober him up. first, it chewed up jaemin’s brains like a firecracker and after that it felt as if a tornado was whirling around in his head. 

_you’re… chasing me?_

in all fairness, jaemin isn’t the kind of innocent omega that would be embarrassed or flushed when someone confesses to them—jaemin thinks. people would naturally be overwhelmed but luckily for jaemin, being calm is a basic life skill. he has not lived the past twenty over years in vain. 

suddenly, little mochi turns over in the back seat. the sound of his coat rubbing against the leather seat travels into jaemin’s ears. 

jaemin tries to force his brain’s operating mechanism to stabilise and after a long time, he turns his head to stare at jeno. “i refuse.”

jeno's eyes were filled with confusion as his eyebrows drew together and tilts his head to the side. “what do you mean, ‘i refuse’?”

“i’m trying to be direct here. i meant that i do not want you to _chase_ me or whatever… no… just don’t.” jaemin mumbles out through his pursed lips and fumbles with the sleeves that go past his fingers. his palms are getting sweaty. 

“y-you… well…” jeno says but trails off and leans back in his seat. jaemin takes a peek at jeno’s face to see that there was still a slight doubt in his eyes. the hazy moonlight that shines through the car windows makes jeno’s eyes look like a breathtaking siren that pulls in his attention, the mosaic of gems in his orbs glowing brightly under the moon. 

jaemin looks away immediately. 

it seems that it has always been jaemin’s nature to shy away from love. jaemin lowers his head and stares at the threads that are falling out of his sweater sleeves, feeling a knot forming in his heart. 

jaemin didn’t believe that lee jeno would really like him, or how jeno had treated him like a gentleman, or the fact that jeno is actively trying to chase himself, has tickled his heart. what stuck in his mind was only memories of his desperate surrogacy five years ago in exchange for emergency checks and the knives that were pointing at him in the white light of the operating table. 

they opened his stomach, took out a child, and deprived an omega of their dreamy fantasies about love. 

jaemin had forgotten what he thought at that time. but the feeling of the anesthetic flowing into his body was all too clear, it was as if he could feel it now. he was paralysed in the car seat, feeling his blood flow through the veins of his body like an excessive amount of anesthetic had been injected into him. 

everything is divided into two extremes. having less will hurt, and having more will hurt too. 

when jeno had vaguely noticed jaemin’s rapid breathing, he quickly stretched out his hand from the driver’s seat and patted him gently on the shoulder, thinking that it was just part of jaemin’s drunk behaviour. without thinking, jeno releases some of his alpha pheromones in an attempt to smooth the uncalm omega before him. however, jeno doesn’t know whether a drunk jaemin would become more intoxicated after smelling his alcoholic japanese sake pheromones. 

once jaemin has recovered his breathing, he turns to meet jeno’s gaze once more. “why did you reject me?” 

jaemin blinks. “i don’t think you like me.”

_in a euphemism, i don't think you like me. but to put it bluntly, i don’t think i deserve you._

there is a glaring five-year gap between jaemin and jeno. 

if this took place five years ago, jaemin would have agreed without hesitation. isn’t the love between alphas and omegas just a matter of slight interests in each other and there isn’t an actual need for depth in a relationship? their instincts would be enough to make them want and need each other. they were once young masters of huge business families that were keen to clink their wine glasses together and talk about money. 

moreover, at that time, people had said that young master lee was an excellent alpha, and young master was an excellent omega. the marriage of the two families could be said to be incidental yet inevitable.

but now, jaemin is just an ordinary person with a bankrupt family. he had once stood on the top of the mountain but has now fallen to the very bottom. when people brought up the name ‘lee jeno’, everyone would think hard and realise that he has turned into a young but promising president of the lee corporation. meanwhile, when people brought up the name ‘na jaemin’, everyone would only wonder where that omega with a fallen family and failed marriage has run off to. 

what’s more, jeno could very well discover about jaemin’s secret that he so desperately wants to hide and destroy, if he were to investigate a little further with a little effort from his brain. 

the lee family would not allow this, and jaemin will not allow this.

before he knew it, the car stopped at jaemin’s apartment complex again. when jaemin pushes open the door and gets out of the car, he hears jeno speak behind him, “i know you rejected me… but i’m being serious, i’m chasing you.”

after sending jaemin off, jeno enters the car again. little mochi, who was still asleep a few moments ago, was sitting up in the back seat as he blinked and stared at jeno with piercing eyes. “daddy, daddy, were you rejected just now?”

jeno chokes on himself before laughing, “weren’t you asleep, little mochi?”

little mochi crawls over the space between the front and rear seats as he puts a hand on jeno’s shoulders. “i was afraid that mummy wouldn’t dare to accept your confession if i was awake, but… mummy didn’t agree in the end.”

jeno suddenly feels a knife stabbing into his heart.

he turns to meet little mochi’s sparkling eyes and pure smile that seemed to melt into the faint light from the lamppost outside that shone into the car. only then, did he realise that his son’s smile was indeed very similar to jaemin’s. if he were to cover the part above the eyes, jeno was sure that it’ll create a picture of jaemin as a child.

jaemin hadn’t lied when he said that little mochi looked like him when he was younger.

_is it a coincidence?_ jeno furrows his eyebrows slightly. 

little mochi hugs onto jeno’s arms and begins to whine like a baby, “daddy, i’m cheering you on! you got to hurry bring mummy home with us so that mummy can sleep with me at bedtime!”

jeno feels his mood lighten up instantly at the silly, innocent words of his son. he carries little mochi and places him on the front seat before fastening his seatbelt and asks him not to tamper with the buttons next to the seat. without forgetting little mochi’s previous comment, jeno scoffs and puffs out his chest, “well, you thought wrong! my wife would sleep with _me_ if i brought him home with me. _not you.”_

jeno nearly cringed at his own actions. he can’t believe he’s really trying to fight with his own son’s for na jaemin. not to mention the countless times he felt jealousy burning in his chest watching his son stealing kisses off jaemin’s cheeks. 

he’s snapped out of his thoughts when little mochi just snorts, “mummy hasn’t even accepted your confession yet! i learnt that you need to first _marry_ before you can call mummy _your wife_!”

jeno steps on the accelerator and continues to fight his wits out with his son. “you can gain the rights to call ‘mummy’ yet i can't claim my rights to call out my ‘wife’ even for a second?”

little mochi stretched out his neck and looked at the traffic outside while blinking his big eyes curiously before asking his father innocently, “what’s rights, daddy? claim what rights? i just have the rights, but _you don’t!”_

jeno looks at his son and then straight ahead at the road. “... i… _fine_ , you win.”

-

in the end, jaemin’s rejection was not much of a punch into jeno’s gut. all the more, it fuelled jeno’s enthusiasm and confidence in chasing after him. even though jaemin had retracted back a step, jeno had gotten another step closer instead. 

after that day, jeno would still come pick him up after work for dinner with little mochi even though jaemin would always tell him off and say, “there won’t be any next time”. but jeno will reply with a casual, “but i’m chasing you” proudly. and when jaemin refuses his offer again, little mochi would hold his hand and bounce excitedly and plead for jaemin to come along. 

once again, jaemin is reminded of how weak he is for little mochi. there’s a terribly soft spot for this little boy in his heart that he can’t seem to get rid of.

_even though you’re an omega, you can’t become such a softie! especially to kids!?_ jaemin thought in his head while cutting up steak for little mochi.

jaemin’s second cousin was going to hold an art exhibition in busan and he was invited to be a guest there. however, during the opening party, his second cousin had gotten too drunk and ended up breaking his ankle when climbing up the table to sing. jaemin had then accompanied him to the hospital and now his return back to seoul is delayed. 

to make matters worse, he had become the replacement representative for the art exhibition. his business trip has now been extended till the rest of the week. jaemin could have just followed his schedule and got back to seoul on time but he still felt rather responsible for the small accident. besides missing out on dinner dates with little mochi--and jeno, jaemin would not be present during the relocation and renovation of his old villa back in seoul. 

five years ago before going abroad, jaemin was stuck between whether to sell his old family villa or not. while his family villa is the very last physical memento he could have of his family, jaemin was also desperate to get rid of it as it seemed to be tying him down to his past. 

however, not long after he flew out, jaemin had heard news about a wealthy family returning to korea that wanted to buy his family villa. he remembers he had sat on in the corner of his room during a stormy night to think about his decision. he ended up calling donghyuck for s]ome advice who told him to let the villa go. after all, jaemin wanted a clean, fresh start at life again. 

his life in the past two decades were cheerful and unfettered, in contrast to the last few years he struggled to get by. it was as if he had split his whole life in half. 

there’s going to be another two days before the art exhibition ends in busan but the new landlord isn’t going to give jaemin any more time to clean out of the villa. before he left, he had brought some of the possessions back to his rented apartment while he sold most of the furniture online. however, jaemin had woken up in cold sweat during one of the nights in busan when re suddenly remembered he left something important back at the villa.

it was the ring that grandma had left mother when she got married to his father. because of its significance as a precious familial heirloom, jaemin remembers his mother wearing it only during new year’s and special holidays. she had told him that when jaemin finds his own alpha, the ring will then become his. 

but when she was on the hospital bed, jaemin’s mother had insisted on selling the ring as it could fetch a large sum which would ease the burden on jaemin back then. it was also to signify the defeat and end of the na family. jaemin had thought about it but ended up lying to her. unexpectedly, the lie hasn’t been exposed yet, and his mother did not make it to the end.

jaemin was getting dressed when receiving a call from jeno. originally, jeno only wanted to check in and ‘disturb’ jaemin who he knew was sleeping late but was alarmed when he heard the rustling of clothes. “why are you going out at this hour?”

jeno was also rather depressed. they had been finally getting along and spending so many days together with his son ever since jaemin returned to korea. at first thought, jaemin would only be in busan for a few days, but he was still reluctant to let him go. besides, little mochi wouldn’t stop whining about missing jaemin every day. after all, their happy routine is being disrupted.

“hm, your law of deduction is on par with sherlock holmes. but yes, i've managed to change my train to the earliest one, i've got to get back to seoul.”

“what’s with the rush?” jeno asked, confused. 

“i have to go back to the villa and get my mother’s ring. it will be too late if i don’t leave now.”

in actual fact, jaemin knows that he will not make it in time. he will only arrive in seoul at 6am but he would need another hour to get to his villa. but unfortunately, the construction team would be starting their demolishing works as early as 6am. it was still worth a try, there is no time to waste now. 

by doing simple calculations, jeno also knew jaemin wouldn’t make it back in time. he was also worried that jaemin would be overwhelmed by the stress and rush back thus he closed the file in his hand and thought for a moment, “you’re not going to make it back in time, jaemin… but if you trust me, i could help you retrieve it later in the morning.”

although it was a better option to reject rather than accept jeno’s favour, this is a situation where he needs to help. jeno’s solution was the best solution. 

“alright, then i’ll trouble you to help me.” jaemin pauses for a moment. “wait, when i come back tomorrow, let me invite you to dinner. i’m sorry, all i’ve been doing is bother you ever since i came back.” jaemin feels guilty for all the times jeno had taken jaemin out to dinner with little mochi while he hasn’t once returned the favour. 

after a two-second pause, jaemin hears the deep voice on the line, “it’s okay, i'm chasing you aren’t i?”

_ugh, this again, lee jeno?_

“you know, mr na, is a real tough nut to crack, i’ve got to spend more on you.”

jaemin resisted the urge to throw his phone against the hotel wall. while it is true that jaemin and jeno are incompatible, and this current relationship is already inappropriate, and rejection is also inevitable, jaemin is afraid that one day, he might very well just give in. 

love is like the long process of desensitization treatment. even though jeno never fails to make jaemin’s heart move, it is still perfunctory and not to be taken seriously. it _cannot_ be confused with love. 

after jaemin hurriedly said goodnight, he hung up the phone and let his exhaustion take over. 

on the other end, jeno puts down the phone and looks at the body sleeping soundly next to him on the bed. little mochi had a nightmare and came into jeno's room, eye full of tears as he pleaded for cuddles. jeno reaches down to pat little mochi’s head and notices that he had smiled unconsciously. 

now you may ask, how did little mochi come about? it’s been five years and jeno’s memories have become foggy.

being the only alpha son of one of the wealthiest families in seoul, he had become the centre of attention once he had reached the marriageable age. when the na family became bankrupt, countless other families began to send their omega sons and daughters in hopes of an alliance. 

jeno who was just over twenty, had obediently gone to two blind dates set by his parents after the arrangement with the na’s were nullified. he remembers the omegas had deliberately released their sweet-smelling pheromones without a scent blocker on which made his stomach churn uncomfortably. one after another, he would always go back to square one. he thinks back about his ex-fiance. na jaemin looked way better than all the others. 

later on, his mother had started nagging jeno, asking him to quickly get married and have children. jeno had said that it was too early to even say or consider those things but his mother would only reply with, “you can wait, but the other omegas can’t wait for you.”

this matter had become an irritating noise in his head and there was no solution to this problem. jeno could no longer meet the face of his parents when they complained and emphasised about the fact that he is an alpha son and not an omega. he needs to take up the responsibility as an alpha to hold up the family title.

_“you look like the widow of the bankrupt omega na jaemin, you’ve really gone insane.”_ his mother had said and that was the last straw. 

jeno was speechless after hearing that. he escaped back to his own apartment while continuing to check in to work daily. a week after that incident, jeno could no longer keep in his frustration and dragged doyoung along to the bar. as he complained, he also heard doyoung making a comment about how surrogacy is becoming a profitable business. 

“you know what? fuck this, i’m going to buy myself a baby.” jeno said eventually after considering the events leading up to this day. 

when doyoung showed him the surrogacy contract the next day, he had to repeatedly confirm at least five times, to ensure the jeno was really awake and sober. indeed, jeno read through the terms and conditions and signed it without hesitation.

according to the rules of the industry, the alpha requesting the surrogacy cannot reveal their identity nor can they inquire about the omega surrogate. just in time, jeno’s parents had calmed down and gave up trying to set him up with omegas after seeing jeno’s disinterest and repulsive attitude towards marriage. 

when they thought that they could believe in the chance that jeno would eventually consider marriage when he is a little older and more mature, jeno had returned home with a half-year old baby in his arms a year later. 

jeno’s parents were stupefied when they first saw him but it was clear that their soul left them for a moment when jeno reveals that it is their grandson. his mother grabbed onto him and asked who was his secret omega lover multiple times. “i got a surrogate, mom,” jeno had repeated. when she finally internalised the idea, she nearly picked up the table lamp to beat up her very own son if it weren’t for the baby that was sleeping soundly in jeno’s lap. 

he even remembers her word for word; _“what are you going to do when you have a child like this? after you get married, you are still going to have children of your own. what is your future omega going to think of you? which omega would even be willing to marry you in the future?”_

his mother was angry about this for a long time. when she heard that her grandson’s name was little mochi, she nearly went to the hospital with high blood pressure. but jeno was relieved that he could change his son’s name later on, allowing him to escape the beatings from his mother and more hospital visits. 

and that is how jeno was forced to become a rookie dad at the age of twenty one. he was more than just happy to take care of his baby every day. from time to time, he would wonder who was his omega surrogate, given that his baby turned out to be so cute. thank goodness for the good genes.

when doyoung asks jeno out for a drink, he would flatly reject him while trying to soothe the crying baby in his arms. after jeno had rejected him three times in a row, doyoung went straight to jeno’s apartment the very next day, thinking about the ways he’s going to kill him. but when he sees little mochi sleeping in his crib for the very first time, he decides that he’s going to give himself the title of little mochi’s godfather. 

people who knew where the child came from thought that jeno was irresponsible. it is true that he really did that to anger his parents but jeno never once regretted his decision. he also did think about the future. he is going to protect his son at all costs. if he were to consider marrying an omega in the future, little mochi would be his top priority and he’ll ask for little mochi’s opinion. 

jeno doesn’t know whether little mochi had gotten his sly attitude from him. although many omegas still try to approach them, little mochi never once called out “mummy”. meanwhile, he’s instantly attached to an omega that didn’t even come towards him. 

jeno got up from the bed and smiled. _this is pretty good,_ he thinks. he likes jaemin, little mochi also likes jaemin, it truly is such a rare chance that he and his son have a unified opinion. if he doesn’t marry jaemin, he would feel sorry towards little mochi for calling him “mummy” countless times.

it was already five in the morning when jeno opened his eyes. seeing that little mochi is sleeping peacefully under the covers, he lets out a sigh of relief. there is not much to worry about since little mochi is really an independent boy who never fails to surprise jeno.

he quickly got into his car and typed in the location of jaemin’s family villa he sent last night. the villa was located in a peaceful environment, with flowers planted outside the stone gate, and tall trees shielding the villa from the bright sun. there is also a bridge that is built over a small stream of flowing water which leads to a winding path into the villa. it seems like someone must have been cleaning the house all this while seeing that it’s still beautifully maintained.

jaemin had explained that the heirloom was an agate ring which would be in his room on the third floor of the villa. when jeno steps into the villa, he gives himself a whole minute to admire the high ceilings and tall glass windows. the villa is emptied out except a few pieces of furniture and decorations which is mostly left for the next landlord. 

jeno quickly finds jaemin's room seeing that the sun is rising and the construction company would be arriving soon. he bends down to look through the drawer but he didn’t expect to see a stack of dusty papers instead. when he looks closely, there’s an old photo sitting on the top with curled and yellowed corners making it easy to tell how old this is. 

jeno turns it over to see a child in the photo. clearly, there are some similarities in the features with the current na jaemin. it is indeed a photo of jaemin when he was a child. 

it seems that jaemin is about five or six year old in the photo as he sits on the bed, smiling happily at the camera. jeno frowns when he looks at it even more closely for a moment, before feeling a strong sense of familiarity surging through his heart.

five or six year old jaemin looks way too similar to little mochi now when he imagines his son’s smiling face. if it wasn’t for the age of this piece of photo, it would be believable if he said that the child in the photo was little mochi. 

_is it just a mere coincidence?_

jeno looks up and his eyes fall on the pot of withered flowers on the window sill. he knows that jaemin is an omega who knows how to live his life without allowing his secondary gender to hinder him in any way. he could tell from the way jaemin speaks to others or how he teaches the children at the kindergarten. the atmosphere of jaemin’s old room also reveals a lot about his personality too.

but the saying goes, the tea cools down as soon as the person is gone. even the flowers have dried and shrivelled up.

jeno puts the old photo in his wallet before finding the agate ring kept in the inner corner of the drawer. before he leaves, he looks up at the place jaemin grew up in once more. 

after getting into his car, jeno’s heart continued to surge in doubt. his eyebrows knit together as he calls doyoung’s number on his phone with much hesitance. 

“hey jen, what’s up?” the voice on the line greets. 

“i want to ask you something.” jeno blinks. “what is the name of my omega surrogate?”

doyoung makes a noise of confusion. “you want me to check this out? to be honest, it’s going to be a little difficult.”

“why?”

“remember the rules? about the confidentiality of parties? you can’t just ask for the omega’s name…” doyoung explains. “it’s either money or your identity, a two choose one situation.”

jeno sighs, “it means it would be difficult for me to know who it is?”

“well, it’s not _too_ difficult, but it’ll take a while. i can check it for you.” doyoung decides. “but why are you suddenly curious about this?”

jeno turns his head to watch the few cars passing by outside the villa area in the early morning before he takes a deep breath, not believing what he is about to say next. “little mochi’s omega mother may be na jaemin.”

doyoung’s breath hitches on the other side of the line, “mr na has been back in seoul for a little over a month and you bring him out to dinner with little mochi every single day. no one will believe there’s nothing between you guys. so you better settle the thing with little mochi. i heard before that mr na was a pretty spoiled son, and i don’t know if he can accept the fact that you have a so-”

jeno leans back on the car seat and interrupts doyoung, “no, i’m talking about the omega surrogate. the omega may be na jaemin.”

doyoung is silent on the other side of the phone. “... this… isn’t this too…”

“it’s just a guess.” jeno frowns. 

doyoung replies softly, “you shouldn’t guess anything without any real proof or basis. you should know this better than me.”

“but i still want you to check for me.” 

“well… i’m sure i can find info on it, but if it isn’t na jaemin, you’ve got to keep this a secret for a lifetime. are you sure about this?” 

jeno grips the steering wheel tightly and then replies firmly, “i’m sure.”

-

jeno had just gotten back home from work when little mochi bounces excitedly into his room with a school notice in hand. a few days ago, jeno’s secretary had brought little mochi to the mall to get new pajamas which are the ones he is wearing now. it's baby blue with little toy car patterns on it, and it's obvious that little mochi loves it from the way he’s counting the toy cars he could reach.

little mochi jumps onto the bed which jeno is currently laying on his stomach like a child who doesn’t want to shower after a long day of playing. little mochi uses his little hands to nudge jeno’s leg and whines, “daddy… can we video call mummy? please? now, now, now!”

jaemin was still in busan, but he’s feeling more tired than he has ever been. the art exhibition was too much socialising for jaemin's liking and the overthinking about the moving of his family villa all added to the stress and exhaustion. however, the vibration of the video call on his phone is the simplest remedy to his tiredness. 

“hey jaemin, how are you-” jeno stops and rolls over on the other side of the bed. “i told you, i get to say hi first! you get your turn later, little mochi! anyways, how are you holding up there?”

jaemin chuckles at the sight of jeno and little mochi wrestling lightly to see who got the phone. “calm down you two, stop acting like kids.”

the two look at him through the screen with a little embarrassment before little mochi snatches jeno’s phone away and giggles, “but i’m still a kid, mummy!”

before jaemin could reply, jeno snatches it back and stands up so that little mochi can no longer reach for the phone in his hands. “so, how are you?”

“well, my legs are terribly sore. i think it's because i’m getting old. this is a sign of old age.” jaemin sighs. 

“you know, alphas don’t deteriorate with age,” jeno says in a monotonous tone. “would you like to experience my stamina?”

jaemin nearly chokes on the water in his mouth before coughing in embarrassment. he suddenly feels vulnerable and shy under the gaze of jeno through the screen. _you and your little tricks again, lee jeno_ , jaemin thinks to himself. 

throughout the video call, jaemin was blushing through his cheeks up to his ears and it's all because of what jeno had said earlier. _is this how alphas flirt? and so boldly?_ jaemin couldn’t look at the screen the entire time because the way the phone was angled, gave a clear view of jeno in his work attire with the first two buttons unbuttoned, revealing his smooth and firm chest, collarbones pointing out delightfully. but of course, no one could resist if it was out on display like that, and jaemin had managed to sneak a few peeks at the screen.

only when it was little mochi’s turn to have the phone did he look back at the screen. little mochi showed him his new pajamas enthusiastically as he praised, “little mochi is _so_ handsome!” jaemin could hear a little groan from the background noise that went something like, “ _what about me_?” 

little mochi’s school notice was about the school’s annual parent-teacher meeting day. jeno was familiar with this tradition. this so-called parent-teacher meeting day is actually one where the child’s alpha father and omega mother participate in various activities together. in the past, jeno had attended them alone with little mochi since it is not uncommon for such families to exist. 

last year, one of the activities was to dig potatoes at the farm. while the other children were sitting comfortably under the umbrella held up by their mothers, little mochi was squatting on the sides in a fisherman hat while cheering loudly for jeno as he dug up potatoes. in the end, the other families had brought home their smiling children, as if this activity was just a small passing event. meanwhile, only jeno was dragging home a sack of potatoes he’d dug up and the other hand holding little mochi’s hand tightly.

the kindergarten has planned out a parent-child sports meet this year and little mochi has always been eager about such activities. and of course, being a handsome son of a good looking alpha, little mochi always had the girls in his class fighting over him to be in the same sports team. 

“daddy, can you bring mummy with us for this year’s sports meet?” little mochi asks innocently. “i don’t want mummy there as mr na… i want mummy as my mummy.’

little mochi was holding up a plate of salad as he stuck a piece of lettuce and put it into his mouth with his small fork. _it’s the poisonous grass,_ jeno thought in his head. the grass—lettuce—was not poisonous, maybe a little sweet, but mostly bitter. jeno snatches the fork over and pokes the fork into a strawberry slice. he examines the strawberry mindlessly, noting the reddish outsides surrounding the white fleshy portion on the insides. it looked like a tiny locket photo frame, and jaemin’s face is the photo inside.

“little mochi, do you like jaemin?”

when jeno thinks about it, he hadn’t actually discussed this issue with little mochi. little mochi’s enthusiasm and favoritism for jaemin could be said to be groundless, or even silly. his son had just seen this omega on the streets and liked him right away, deciding that he’s going to be his mother for the next few months to come.

but again, little mochi had once said that jaemin had a peachy smell and jaemin’s pheromones were indeed honey peach. it’s all jeno’s fault. jeno had once told little mochi a lie and made up that his omega mother smelled like peaches. but that was only because he remembers his secretary had brought a pink bottle of cocktail that made the entire office smell sweet.

since his pheromones are like sake, while honey peaches are fresh, it neutralises the savouriness of the sake just right. it reminds jeno of the evening when he reunited with jaemin, when his scent blocker stickers had fallen off just a corner, but just enough to let him get a whiff of the fresh and sweet honey peach smell. 

“of course i like mummy.” little mochi replies as he crawls down from jeno’s lap with his short legs.

jeno then held little mochi’s face in his palms tenderly while he looked at his son with a pout, “but your mummy doesn’t want to marry me…”

little mochi pushes himself off jeno’s hands and huffs out, “you really suck, daddy. i thought you’ve been chasing mummy, but yet you haven’t caught him? how am i supposed to sleep with mummy then?”

jeno knew he should have expected such an answer. he sighs and lowers his head. “that is why, i want you to cooperate with me. this way, i can bring mummy home and sleep with you!”

little mochi looks up suddenly and nods excitedly, “okay! so how do i do it?”

“so firstly, you gotta pester mummy, and at the same time you have to make mummy pity you. you know mummy can’t resist you. so, for example, if mummy doesn’t agree to attend sports meet with us, what do you say?” 

little mochi rolls his eyes back for a second and his nose instantly reddens. he dips his fingers into the salad sauce and drips them on his puffy cheeks before grabbing onto jeno’s thighs and whines pitifully, “everyone brought their daddy and mummy together, only little mochi has daddy, little mochi is jealous of everyone else! i want daddy and mummy there with me~!”

jeno watches his son stomping his feet, face scrunched up like he’s weeping before rubbing little mochi’s head with great satisfaction. _this is surely going to work._

it was three days later when the father and son pair reunited with jaemin. jaemin had slept the entire train ride back from busan and instantly went to take a nap when he reached his apartment. when he woke up again, his empty stomach was growling hard. just as he was about to cook a pack of instant ramen, his phone _dings_ and just at the right time, it was jeno who texted and asked if he wanted to go for dinner with him and little mochi. 

by the time jaemin was ready to get out of the house, it was already seven. it was weird to say the least, the past three days all he could think about was his mother’s agate ring and a little about the art exhibition. but when he suddenly receives a call from jeno. he realises that his heart is empty, it’s like he has been waiting for jeno’s call for a long time. 

jaemin has always been alone.

he has always been alone ever since the sudden turning point of his life. he decided to be a surrogate alone, went abroad alone and came back alone as well.

the bright lights from outside his apartment shines into the windows of his room. if he were to stand in front of his window, his room will turn pitch black and his strong sense of loneliness will surround him once again, like the endless night covered in thick fog. 

when he sees a faint ray of light coming towards his street, jaemin quickly grabs his winter coat to head downstairs. and the first thing he sees is the familiar sight of a body in a suit, leaning against the side door of the car. as jaemin got closer, he could see little mochi standing barefoot in the backseat with half his head popping out of the lowered car window.

an unprecedented sense of belonging tightly envelopes jaemin as he lowers his head to wipe off the tears that inexplicably moistened his eye sockets.

jeno blinks and looks at jaemin who was unexpectedly shaken up, hesitating whether to just reach out and embrace jaemin in his arms like in a romance drama or simply kiss him directly. that’s how it went in the drama his secretary had forced him to watch, the idol web series called “ _kiss me a thousand times, mr president_ ” or something like that. 

when jeno finally makes up his mind to just hold back and do nothing, jaemin had brushed past him to squeeze little mochi’s cheeks. jaemin bends down to touch his forehead against little mochi’s as he holds his warm hands in his own. 

as they pulled away, two loud greetings sounded in jeno’s ears at the same time. 

“i missed you so much, mummy!”

“how are you, little mochi?”

_little mochi, the color green is born of blue, but beats blue._ jeno whispers to himself in his head and grits his teeth.

jealousy truly awakens one’s inner desires, even lee jeno can’t escape that. jeno stretches out a finger to push little mochi back into the backseat and close the car windows. his car windows had a privacy layer of film which turns black upon closing. jeno ignores little mochi’s curious whines before taking out the agate ring he had kept in his pocket for a long time.

when jaemin reaches out to take the ring, jeno takes advantage of the unclear dim light in the dark night to grab his left hand, holding out jaemin’s ring finger then gently slipping the agate ring on. he approaches jaemin slowly and leans in subconsciously until they could feel each other’s warm breaths against their cheeks. 

“w-what-” jaemin stutters as he dodges jeno quickly. in the next second, jaemin feels his whole body being circled and twisted around until he was leaning against the side of the car door. it wasn’t forceful but the agate ring was cold which accidentally stung his ring finger. 

“long time no see, i’ve already put the ring on you, do you want to be engaged to me?”

jeno lowers his head until his lips meet jaemin. jaemin’s lips were soft and light, his lip shape wasn't the same as his own, and a little dry and cracked in the corners from the lack of moisture. the feeling of kissing jaemin was almost exactly what he thought, sweet and soft like a delicate flower blooming on the corner of his lips, pleasant and inviting. 

a confused jaemin looks back up at the alpha before him who had suddenly kissed him. as if he was dizzy and drunk off the silly kiss, jaemin whispers bashfully, “why are you kissing me?”

jeno reaches up to brush jaemin’s stray hair behind his ear, “little mochi has already kissed you so many times, i also want to.”

jaemin’s eyes widens in panic before wiping his mouth with the back of his palm frantically, “little mochi had only kissed my face!”

jeno inches closer and whispers, “but i’m an adult, so i get to kiss your lips.”

-

jeno had brought jaemin and little mochi to another traditional family restaurant. little mochi’s strange preference for food has always baffled jaemin. sometimes, he would whine about having to eat spicy food for dinner but he’ll end up getting a bad sore throat that took three hospital trips to fully recover. there was even one time when little mochi only wanted to eat porridge for the entire week. it was obvious on the two adults’ faces that they were traumatised by the texture of porridge by the end of the week. 

it seems like little mochi is in an exceptionally good mood today, it was almost a little strange not seeing the father-son pain not fighting over the seat next to jaemin at the table. little mochi had quietly taken the seat opposite the two adults. 

when they were satiated with the food and wine, little mochi leans back on the chair as he patted his tummy sticking out of his shirt. he finally remembers the goal of today’s dinner and sits up straight before asking, “mummy, the school’s sports meet is tomorrow right? mummy… can you pair up with daddy and participate in it with me?”

jaemin was just about to stuff a rice cake in his mouth when he casually commented, “but i have duties, little mochi, i’ve got to usher the kids around. get the first aid kit ready… and what not…”

little mochi chews on his nails anxiously, _what did daddy say to do again?_

_act pitiful, target the softness in mummy’s heart! yes, i’ve got to make mummy just a little guilty._

little mochi looks down in his hands before biting down on his lips and clearing his throat quietly to warm it up, “ _nghh-hnghh…_ _nghh-hnghh…_ everyone has their daddy and mummy pair up to participate… only little mochi doesn’t have a mummy. last year when w-we had to dig potatoes, my friends had their mummy hold up the umbrellas for them… _nghh-hnghh…_ while they continued digging in the rain! d-daddy and i had to stay in the rain… a-and the potatoes that daddy cooked… tasted _horrible!_ ”

seeing jaemin’s conflicted expression, little mochi continues, “mummy, you can’t even _imagine_ , what’s it like to live with daddy without you. daddy can only make sandwiches! everyday, i’d have to eat sandwiches with one piece of ham and two pieces of lettuce! there isn’t even any bit of salad sauce added! _it tastes so bad!_ ”

“wait, hold on, little mochi-” jeno is flustered and interrupts. _this is not how it is supposed to go!_

“other than having to eat _bad_ food, daddy has never helped to do the laundry, it’s always the aunties washing them, and when they aren’t around, daddy had no choice but to wash it for me… but do you know what happened? all my teddy bear socks had holes in them after the wash! mummy~ you’ve got to come save me~”

jaemin propped up his elbows on the table, one hand rubbing circles into the sides of his forehead. this had gone from a plea for jaemin’s attendance at the sportsmeet as little mochi’s mummy, to a jeno roasting session, and indeed, little mochi seems to need a little saving from this alpha’s poor parenting skills.

finally, little mochi stuffs his hands into his pocket to pull out a scrunched up parents meet notice and hands them to jaemin with _those_ puppy eyes. those pretty eyes look awfully similar to jeno’s. little mochi gets down from his seat and extends his arms to hug jaemin at his waist.

an omega’s inner maternal love would instantly flare up at this sight of an adorable child attaching them to you. jaemin sighs and palms little mochi’s cheeks, “alright, i’ll try to ask donghyuck, mr lee, whether this arrangement is possible. i’ll try okay? no need to be sad anymore, little mochi, hm?”

it’s going to be jaemin’s first time participating in a sports meet. and of course, it’s thanks to donghyuck for this ‘opportunity’, a best friend is always there to ship you with the ‘person you like’.

jaemin knew he was going to be awkward, he’s different from the omega mothers that chater with him after school, he doesn’t know how to act like a mother naturally. how does an omega mother even act like?

he decides to call jeno to ask how to pretend to be a qualified omega mother. jaemin could even imagine jeno’s smirk behind the phone when the alpha didn’t forget to flirt with him.

“what’s there to pretend, _mr lee?_ aren’t you _mr lee_ already? you’re perfect, just how i love it.”

jaemin hung up the phone angrily and took a few deep breaths to calm down. he’s got to maintain the last bit of dignity of an omega he has left in himself. he purses his lips before finally putting his hands on his hot cheeks, looking red in the mirror. 

jaemin knows that he really likes jeno, truly. it isn’t simply the attraction an omega has for an alpha, there’s more to consider about what’s going on between them. little mochi also likes jaemin very much, except that little mochi has never had an omega mother, so that is probably why he acts like this. there’s going to be so many more other omegas by his side as he grows up in the future, it is not hard to guarantee that he will like another one.

unfortunately, jaemin knows himself that for an unmarked omega that has given birth, he’s got no rights to choose or even have any longing for an alpha like jeno. of course, jeno can continuously try to chase after him. there is just too much weight on his shoulders, too many worries about the future, it isn’t as simple as openly reciprocating his feelings for jeno and getting married with a big wedding. even if jeno was willing, jaemin will never agree to it. 

there’s just too much difference between the two of them, and jaemin can never match up to it. even another five years wouldn’t be able to make up for it.

the next day, jeno and little mochi were waiting for him downstairs as usual. the parents meet notice had said that the attire would be anything comfortable for physical activities. jaemin had to ditch his skinny jeans and i find a pair of grey sweatpants. the oversized shirt he had put on also made him look a size smaller. 

little mochi was wearing a bright orange sportswear attire and it looked dazzling. when jaemin had approached them from the lobby of his apartment complex, it was as if spotting a small fireball from a distance.

when jaemin had gotten to the kindergarten, he had to answer the endless questions from the children in his class while he had to also tolerate the teasing from his ‘omega mothers squad’. not to mention, donghyuck couldn’t stop giggling whenever he was caught watching jaemin from the back. 

the principal stands on the podium of the indoor sports hall while he explains the rules of the first game. the first activity was to have the alpha father and omega mother carry their child that would be holding a balloon, then they would have to stick the balloon onto the wall and carry the child back to the starting point. popping the balloon will cause the family to be disqualified too.

little mochi wasn’t that big, so he was the perfect size if jeno were to bend over and hoist him up into his chest.

meanwhile, jaemin has never felt what it’s like to be embraced by jeno. as of now, the kiss was just a silly joke and so was the proposal when jeno put his mother’s agate ring on him. even if jaemin’s family had gone bankrupt and he wasn’t the young, wealthy bachelor from five years ago, he’d still run towards jeno without hesitation. it’s unfortunately due to the surrogacy that has built him a large barrier between them and he dares not take another step forward. 

the smell of sake lingering in his memory is like a knife that stabs his heart. without love, pheromones are merely smells. even if it was calming pheromones released to soothe an omega in pain, it’ll only feel cold and indifferent. 

there was a red line where they stood which was the starting point. little mochi bends down to pick up the balloon. it was bulging in his arms but he kept it in his chest tightly, as if he was afraid someone will steal it.

when the balf principal whistles loud, the cheers and applause from the spectators around the sports all get louder. jeno immediately bends down to wrap his arms around jaemin’s waist before lifting him upwards. jaemin instinctively wraps his legs around jeno’s waist, afraid that he’ll fall backwards. 

but before jaemin could register what was going on, jeno leans in with a smile and whispers, “i’m finally holding you in my arms after all this time.”

jaemin’s entire face was flushed red in an instant. 

little mochi was stunned and stood rooted to the ground for a long time before he realised his father had already ran away with his mother towards the finishing line. he tried to catch up to them on his short legs while howling and crying, holding the balloon in his hands. 

rather than the crying little boy, everyone had their eyes on the alpha carrying his omega in his arms which seemed to be the slightly famous mr na.

the principal watches on stage as his jaw drops. _hold on a second, did the marriage arrangement five years push through after all? in secret? without the public knowing about this? and somehow true love found it’s way between the two?_

the sound of little mochi’s crying while he ran was too piercing. the principal quickly recovered from his daze and tapped the microphone twice. “the parent over there! the parent is supposed to be holding the _child,_ i repeat, the _child_ , not your _wife_!”

in the end, they still managed to earn first place but little mochi was not happy at all when they distributed the medals. jaemin was still trying to calm down from his embarrassment but he goes over to little mochi who was crying in a corner. he feels the sour feeling in his heart knowing that he has just replaced little mochi’s importance in jeno’s priority list. 

jaemin guiltily squats down and wipes the tear marks left on his cheeks gently. he hesitates as he is at a loss at how to comfort little mochi. however, little mochi snuggles into jaemin’s chest before he starts sobbing again. when jeno came over, little mochi held jaemin tightly as he pointed an accusing finger at his father and exhausted all the words a five-year-old could possibly think of and condemned jeno for a whole five minutes. 

“what’s that look on your face? you’re not sorry at all, i know that.” jaemin mutters when they arrived at his apartment complex with little mochi sleeping soundly in the backseat. 

“well… i’ve got to hug you today, it’s all that matters,” jeno replies, face not showing any sign of guilt. “i hope you didn’t mind, i liked you in my arms… just felt… right.”

“w-what, oh my god, c-can you please just shut up!” jaemin splutters. 

“will you let me hold you once more before you go?” jeno suggests with puppy eyes. 

“dream on!” jaemin says angrily before getting out of the car but carefully closes the door knowing that little mochi is sleeping at the back. he is really resisting a punch in jeno’s face. 

just as jaemin left, jeno’s phone vibrated in his pocket and it turns out to be doyoung. doyoung had been helping him investigate the identity of his omega surrogate recently which was why he hasn’t been calling much. now this call must be the result of his investigation, and it makes jeno’s gut churn in nervous anticipation. 

as for the true identity of his omega surrogate, jeno had always been curious. but when he thinks it over, it would be great if it was really jaemin, but if it wasn’t that would be okay too. after all, the only omega he has ever set his eyes on was jaemin. now that he’s keeping so many secrets, it wouldn’t hurt to keep another.

the voice on the other side was raspy, “jeno…” doyoung says slowly, “you were really right.”

“your omega surrogate, who’s jaehwa’s birth mother… is indeed na jaemin.” doyoung smiles as he continues, “lee jeno… what a lucky one you are, huh? i guess you don’t have to worry anymore. you can marry him and bring him home with you tomorrow already. am i right?”

jeno drops his hands into his lap and his phone tumbles to the ground, completely speechless. 

there was a burst of ecstasy once jeno had confirmed the news. when the joy of the passing wind has slowly calmed down, the pain in the corner of his heart has gradually surfaced. as if being stabbed by a knife, the pain gradually became more intense and clear. 

_what did na jaemin go through five years ago?_

_what made him so desperate that he had to choose surrogacy?_

instead of asking all of these questions, why not jeno ask himself, how much does he truly like na jaemin?

jeno narrows his eyes as he feels the wind brushing against his face. this feeling of warm love must have started a long time ago. _maybe it already started when i looked at those photos and settled on him as my fiance,_ jeno thought, _it must have been then_. however, this feeling of attraction to jaemin’s pretty face has long been transferred onto the whole of jaemin himself. 

it is not a mere coincidence that little mochi looked like jaemin amongst the sea of omegas. once the gears of fate start spinning, everything will return to its original position. just as how he and jaemin are destined to love each other, just as he and jaemin are destined to be together. 

he had always worried about whether jaemin would accept the fact that he has a child, after all, an omega’s tolerance for such a circumstance is usually low. jeno had spent a large amount of time thinking about how to make jaemin accept this child that he brought into the world due to his anger and impulsive actions.

in fact, everything in this world has a beginning and an end.  
  


jeno could clearly feel how jaemin was twisting his body towards the latter. the distance is so close yet so far, as if enticing him to wallow and indulge in it but at the same time, forcing him to wake up from his dream. 

“jaemin…” jeno trails off, only to realise his throat was dry, “why did he offer to do surrogacy at that time?”

“well, i don’t know about that,” doyoung sighs. “but i can show you the client that year, and actually, that client is also looking forward to meeting you.”

the line buzzes on doyoung’s side before jeno hears the click of a cigarette lighter. “the surrogacy industry is complicated and deeply mixed with lots of people of different backgrounds. it is almost a family chain now, a huge network. but you’re a clean individual, you’ll never expect who your client was back then. perhaps you’ve heard about him before, jung jaehyun, and he wants to see you.”

_jung jaehyun._

jeno knows who he is, it’s a well known fact that the jung family wanders in the grey areas all year round, always dealing with dubious businesses and industries. it is not surprising that jung jaehyun will thus get involved with the omega surrogacy industry. 

however, doyoung shouldn’t have been able to find out that jung jaehyun was the one in charge of jaemin’s surrogacy unless jaehyun had somehow taken the initiative to open a gap. after all, it is not unusual that jaehyun would want to get in touch with jeno, and jeno wanted to see himself too.

_but why is jung jaehyun insisting on meeting me?_

jeno turns his head to look at little mochi through the rearview mirror. the bright orange coloured sportswear is still illuminating the dark car. his mind flashes back the recent memories of today, the smiles plastered across little mochi’s face as he held jaemin’s hands and walked into the indoor sports hall with full confidence. he remembers jaemin’s soft and proud expression directed towards him. 

_i haven’t experienced this kind of feeling for so many years,_ jeno lowers his head and ends the call. his heart felt as if it has been soaked and boiled in sour yet sweet syrup, it's warm in and out. 

sometimes, the word ‘home’ sounds a little strange to him. sometimes, jeno feels that he and jaemin are essentially the same person, just in two separate bodies. they are similar in a way like a piece of duckweed that has been floating on the surface of a large lake for a long time, with no destination. 

a message notification from doyoung flashes across the screen and jeno swipes right immediately. it was an address. without close inspection, it was easy to note that it was a hotel address. a hotel opened by the jung’s a few years ago to be exact. _seems to be a highly secretive location, huh._

the next day, jeno is right on the dot when kindergarten ends. little mochi rushes out with a flustered jaemin in tow. jaemin’s eyes shift upwards to meet the warm gaze of jeno’s. jeno bends down to hold little mochi in his arms and once jaemin is distracted watching little mochi making silly faces at him, jeno taps on his shoulder lightly before leaving a fleeting kiss on jaemin’s forehead. 

paying no attention to jaemin’s stunned and flushed face, he stuffs his car keys into jaemin’s hands, “i actually have another meeting at the company soon, so i have to go first. could you please take little mochi home first? or take him out to play and tire him out. i’m apologise for troubling you again, i’ll take you out to dinner after i’m done settling things.”

jeno swiftly dusts off some snow caught in jaemin’s hair before smiling goodbye. just when jeno starts to walk away, he’s stopped by jaemin who is holding out the car keys embarrassingly and asks, “t-then what about you? how are you going to get to the company?”

oddly enough, jeno’s mind was on the fact that this could possibly be the first time jaemin was actually caring about himself. he doesn’t want to admit it but he’s dizzy in happiness.

jaemin is a smart person. according to doyoung, jaemin has no idea that jeno was his alpha ‘partner’ during his surrogacy. and of course, jeno wants to keep it that way.

jeno looks back at jaemin and feels his mouth tweaking upwards unconsciously, “are you caring about me now, na jaemin?”

“who cares about you?” jaemin snaps back and turns his face away to reveal his red ears. he bends down to hook little mochi by the armpits and lifts him up into his arms. it also seems that little mochi has had a good appetite lately, it did take a little effort to haul him up this time. 

jeno stretches his hand out to pat jaemin’s head again, “okay, okay, i won’t tease you. my assistant is here to pick me up. don’t worry about me, you and little mochi can go on ahead.”

once they have walked away, jeno lets out a sigh and slowly squats down by the roadside as he buries his head in his palms in exhaustion. it wasn’t a physically exhausting day like the day before during the sports meet, but it was a mentally draining day after being anxious and overthinking about the meeting with jung jaehyun tonight. even from a distance, one could sense his pent up frustration.

doyoung’s car stops by the roadside in front of jeno before the windows roll down to tease him, “you look like an over-stressed college undergraduate.”

when the car starts moving, doyoung begins, “to let you know, the relationship between na jaemin and jung jaehyun isn't as simple as it seems. it’s easy to assume that mr jung was just a ‘connector’ between you and jaemin, the alpha and omega in this transaction. but of course, jaemin was the one fully in charge of himself during the pregnancy five years ago, and even now, the circumstances for omega surrogates have gotten better.”

“but i heard that mr jung was very caring and responsible for jaemin’s wellbeing at that time,” doyoung pauses and lowers his voice, “according to the information i have checked, the na family did have jung’s support during the scandal back then. the reason why the debts and penalties reduced vastly in a short time was also thanks to the jungs. jaemin had mr jung’s help in every step of the way from going abroad to returning back to korea.”

jeno frowns uncomfortably, “so what are you trying to say?”

doyoung’s fingers clicks against the steering wheel, “although jaemin was caught up in that huge scandal with the na family bankruptcy, he is still an omega at a very marriageable age no matter what.”

there needed no more words to understand what doyoung had just said. after years of being work partners as well as friends, their chemistry is enough to connect their minds.

“maybe not,” jeno leans back on the carseat. “if jung jaehyun truly fell in love with jaemin, he wouldn’t have let him go for surrogacy.”

doyoung parks the car at the entrance of the hotel and clicks a button to unlock the car, “i won’t accompany you, you go ahead.”

“thanks.” jeno opens the door and gets out of the car. he looks around the lavish, brightly-lit hotel lobby. jung jaehyun is a shrewd and intelligent businessman. however, jeno would have to admit that there is still a gap to reach mr jung’s level, which is most likely due to their age difference.

jeno was not at all surprised when he spotted jung jaehyun lounging on the sofa when the doors to the private room open. he had encountered the elder several times during business parties over the years but he has only seen him as a daunting business enemy although jaehyun had always been a friendly one. 

jung jaehyun wasn’t in any formal attire as he sat on the sofa and continued fiddling with his phone. jeno reluctantly nods his head lightly before straightening out his pants and sitting down on the opposite end of the sofa. 

once he notices jeno has sat down, jaehyun puts down his phone and pushes a coffee cup towards jeno along the marble table top. jeno takes it with both hands, bringing the cup up to his lips and tastes the warm coffee. 

jaehyun squints his eyes and scans the younger who was still composed despite showing tiny signs of nervousness. he has known about this young and promising businessman through a few meetings during business banquets. although he didn’t care much about the news about the marriage between the lee and na family five years ago, he did keep up a little more with the business scandal. at the end of the day, jaehyun was floating around outside the business circle.

sensing the awkward silence between them, jaehyun quickly holds out his hand towards jeno and smiles politely, “hello, i am nana’s client, jung jaehyun.”

“uh…”

once jaehyun realises what he said he adds a breathy laugh in an attempt to correct himself, “oh, i apologise, things just don’t go through my head. i used to call jaemin that way.”

jung jaehyun’s personality is definitely far from what he had imagined and jeno wasn’t sure how to respond for a while. he hesitates for a moment before replying, “perhaps… is there anything you’d like to ask of me? since you requested for us to meet.”

jaehyun’s eyes fell on jeno’s hands that were clasped together, his nails turning a tender pink again as the whiteness dissipates when the tension is released. he breathes deeply, “i think that you are the one that wants to see me.”

“yes.” jeno replies honestly.

“are you curious about what happened to jaemin five years ago?” jaehyun blinks. “do you think what you’re trying to find out is too much?”

jeno picks up the coffee cup once more and uses the little silver spoon to stir the coffee again, “how can i know too much? i was about to complain that i know too little.”

jaehyun leans back against the sofa and sighs, revealing a trace of fatigue and laziness, “but do you know that, if you, the lee family had even helped na jaemin a little back then, he would’ve given birth to little mochi righteously. and not _that_ way.”

“back then, you two were an unmarried couple who have never met each other. the engagement rings were still in a wrapped gift box. there was only an engagement ceremony left.” jaehyun pauses and continues, “but he couldn’t ask you, nor beg you for help, thinking that he’s going to lose whatever pride he still had in him. and you and your family weren't guaranteed to help either.”

“thinking about it, you only have yourself to blame, because you’re a _businessman_. between money and love presented in front of you, you chose money. you chose reputation, you chose your relationships, your fame, your title.”

jaehyun breathes lightly and throws a comforting smile towards jeno, “but, it’s still understandable. after all, there wasn’t love between you two back then.”

-

no matter how desolated jaemin was back then, the pride in his bones could not be lost. at least jaehyun understands him on this note.

when jaehyun first met this omega, he was just helping a person in terms of business. at that time, he remembers jaemin sitting on the emergency staircase of the hospital with a tired expression after having just signed the omega surrogacy contract.

jaehyun reached up to feel the unshaven stubble on his chin. the difference between an omega and alpha is that an omega pays more attention to their outer appearance. even if there are no visitors or appointments, they still have to tidy themselves up, just like his omega mother.

he was originally arranged to take charge of this surrogacy deal for only two months. however, on the first day after the ivf procedure, jaehyun had brought some homemade chicken soup in a thermos for jaemin. at that time, he remembers jaemin sitting on the edge of the clean and crisp hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown as he thumbs his bloodless lips. with a pale face and dull eyes, jaemin had whispered, “this is the first time i found out how disgusting sake tastes like.”

jaehyun rarely drank strong alcohol, and opted for red wine at most of his business parties. for many years, he hadn’t had the spicy, burning taste in his mouth. he hands over the thermos to jaemin who he’s unfamiliar with. jaemin obediently reached out to receive the thermos with both hands and murmured out a soft ‘thank you’ for the first time in so many days.

jung jaehyun had taken care of jaemin for more than ten months.

taking care of an omega during their preganancy was difficult. tears were forced out by various physiological factors but the frustration in the heart is still unsolved and untangled, it was still sealed up like an unpeeled tangerine. 

jaehyun had brought jaemin to see a psychiatrist, and it took almost five months for jaemin to start feeling comfortable enough to talk more. occasionally, someone will come over to update jaemin about his family business’ situation but he would only stare out of the window and wallow in self-pity. on rare occasions, jaemin would pull jaehyun to sit by him at the window for a chat. it was usually nothing more than telling a few stories and past experiences until one day, jaehyun finally met jaemin’s lonely pair of eyes.

na jaemin’s eyes are very beautiful, he knows this.

jaemin hesitates for a moment before speaking, “the lee family didn’t help me.”

jaehyun understood what jaemin meant by those words. he didn’t complain about his ex-fiance’s family regretting the marriage arrangement nor the fact that they just stood idly while watching him fall, but there was still a thorn in his heart that he couldn’t pull out nor swallow it down. 

jaemin raises his eyes and stares at jaehyun. when he cried, his eyes looked like the eyes of a deer, or a sparkling jewel. jaehyun looked away quietly before hearing jaemin sobbing out to him, “i regret this, hyung.”

one thing came after another, crashing down on the twenty year old jaemin, destroying the last bit of physiological defense of the omega. 

that was the first time jaemin had called him ‘hyung’ and once jaehyun heard it, he immediately recognised the omega as his own brother for a lifetime. 

he had dealt with jaemin’s situation for a long time, and when he went deep into the lee family’s records, he had discovered that they had done nothing at all. just as jaemin thought, _clean_.

when jaemin brought up the idea of going abroad, jaehyun decided that it was a rather good decision considering what the omega had gone through and helped him with that as well.

it was the first snow in korea that winter when jaehyun sent off jaemin at the airport. jaemin was pulling his suitcase, wrapped in a large down jacket, making him look small and vulnerable. he was sitting on the suitcase while his legs dangled as he waved to jaehyun with a small smile, “i’m leaving, hyung.”

jaehyun stepped forward to help him adjust the collar of his jacket and tucked jaemin into his hat again before he pushed jaemin towards the departure hall and whispered a soft goodbye. 

when jaemin was lying on the hospital bed, jaehyun once promised that he would take him to his beach house at jeju when he’s recovered. _“we can go hiking, or relax at the beach, listen to the sound of the sea, let time pass, get away from all of this, everything,”_ he had said. _“okay.”_ jaemin had replied.

jaehyun calls jaemin out for the last time, “when you come back, i will take you to eat honey tteokbokki, at the usual!”

he didn’t wait for jaemin’s response. he knew it when jaemin said he was ‘leaving’. it meant _gone_ , not ‘goodbye’ nor ‘see you again’.

zero news from jaemin was the best solution he could give himself. he was someone that appeared during jaemin’s darkest and most traumatising memory, which could’ve been a beam of light in the shadows but not as a rope to connect them two. it had to be cut off.

after that, jaehyun would always think about the omega. even when he heard that jaemin had returned to seoul, they didn’t meet so jaehyun decided to not bother either. after all, those days were not easy for jaemin. he would rather jaemin forget about him than to have him remember his past again. except that words from his friends about how lee jeno and the ‘down-and-out’ na jaemin have been together would travel to his ears.

the next time he heard about this news was when doyoung started to investigate into the surrogacy. his movements weren’t direct but it did leave traces that he could pick up. jaehyun was confused for a moment before realising that lee jeno was really making his move. maybe it was just to find out about little mochi’s omega mother, maybe it was to marry jaemin and give an explanation, but jaehyun wanted to see jeno anyway. 

if jeno knew, then he shouldn’t hide it. he needs to tell him how hard and traumatising it was for jaemin back then. how jaemin even managed to pull through.

pain and suffering are like raindrops and hail. if they don’t hit you, you will never know how much it hurts.

jaehyun couldn’t help jaemin. but the only thing he could do at least is to look into lee jeno.

what jaehyun didn’t expect was for lee jeno to be the one that is involved in jaemin’s life from every aspect. he’s the alpha engaged to jaemin, he’s the alpha jaemin is in love with, he’s also the alpha in jaemin’s surrogacy pregnancy. all the trajectories of life are like a closed loop, densely connected from end to end, as if god was playing a game of chess in this world. the fateful overlap between them only makes jaehyun an outsider that can only admire.

he puts his gaze on jeno again, jeno is still stunned, the sorrow and loneliness evident on his face was not there when he entered the door.

jeno had long known that jaemin’s decision for surrogacy was due to desperation. he still remembered that the afternoon when he asked his mother to help jaemin was very hot. his mother had taken a deep look at jeno and after accepting his proposal, she only muttered one word, “ _too tricky_.”

in this respect, the lee and jung family are comparable and lee jeno could even beat jung jaehyun in some aspects. but now that jaehyun has shown how he could easily solve the problem, how could his mother tell him that it was, _tricky?_

it is crystal clear who is the businessman and who is sincere. 

jeno finally understood jaemin’s suffering and hesitation. he was wandering outside the door to jaemin’s heart, constantly knocking and making cracks. every time jeno confessed his feelings to jaemin, every time he thought he was doing something good or romantic towards the omega, he was just deepening the cuts and leaving more scars in jaemin’s heart. 

it turns out that the reason that jaemin did not accept him as a lover was not because of little mochi but because of jeno himself. more than anything else, it was because his name is lee jeno, and he is part of the lee family.

when jeno walked out of the hotel, he was still speechless, swimming between decadence and self-blame. if he had taken the courage and resolved the matter by himself at the time, jaemin would not have had to suffer and the problem would not have been so difficult to deal with.

doyoung did not wait for him and jeno suddenly remembered that jaemin and little mochi had taken his car and he did not know where to go.

he lowered his head and fished out his phone from his pocket. there was a new message from jaemin on kakaotalk from a long time ago. he was busy talking to jaehyun before and missed it. this is also the first time jaemin has sent him a message ever since they added each other on kakaotalk a few months ago.

there was only one photo above. it was a picture of little mochi holding up a piece of grilled squid from the street stall as he put it next to his mouth that was opened up wide. the large piece of squid had easily covered half his face. there was even a little stain of sauce on the corner of his mouth but he looked happy eating it. 

_jaemin must really like little mochi,_ jeno thought. 

the feeling of suffocation returns. but just as he wanted to send jaemin a message to ask where he is and take him out for dinner, the screen flashes a call from jaemin. 

he smiles excitedly and answers it. 

jaemin’s flustered voice came through the phone, the smell of disinfectant and hand sanitisers, the hurried and solemn expressions of medical staff, the closed operating room of the hospital flashes through jeno’s mind, as if passing through time and space straight into his eyes.

“jeno! you have to come to the hospital now!” jaemin sobs out, “little mochi fainted!”

-

jaemin doesn't like coming to the hospital.

the memories of the hospital are like a cage, trapping him in a space with beasts as he wails for help. in the end, he is still bound by chains and there is absolutely no escape. the memories of jaemin’s past are suddenly awakened once he smells the hospital disinfectant. he realises that these memories had always occupied a corner of his mind, they never really left, he never really forgotten them. 

it was a private hospital, five years ago. the smell of disinfectant is definitely not as strong as this hospital’s, it's almost choking. jaemin leans back on the waiting chain, allowing the cold touch of metal seep through his thin layer of clothing and pinching his skin underneath. 

_how should i describe this feeling? the feeling of my stomach churning uncomfortable, the feeling of puking my guts out?_ but somehow, it's as if two hands have grasped his throat, clasping it tight to keep it in. 

when the doctor came out of the ward, jaemin quickly gets up from the chair as his mind is suddenly filled with the image of little mochi fainting in his arms. gripping his hands together tensely, “i-is he alright?”

the doctor takes off the stethoscope from his ears and takes a good look at jaemin. “this child is not the most healthy. he mustn't have done much exercise since young. this needs to be changed, it must be treated, otherwise it'll put a toll on his body in the future. it seems that there was overexertion of the body, but it seems to be a build up.”

“yes… there was a sports meet yesterday at his kindergarten? he looked fine this morning as well… i didn't know…” jaemin mutters guiltily. he should have noticed. 

“but the major factor is most likely some emotional outburst that added on to the stress on his mind and body,” the doctor explained but tore down the patient medical sheet in his hand before passing it to jaemin. “there is no major issue here, he’ll just need to take a few days’ rest.” 

jaemin reaches out to take the medical record. there was a line showing the patient's medical particulars which included their name, age, etc. and little mochi has an o type blood. he stands rooted to the ground as he eyes the information in his hand. 

noticing jaemin’s strange composure, the doctor stretches out his hand to gesture towards the record and asks, “what's the matter? do you have any questions?” 

jaemin waves his hand quickly to reassure the doctor, “no, no, it’s nothing. i'm just a little tired that's all.” 

he is also blood type o.

“hurry up and rest while the child is still asleep. if you're really tired, you can occupy the spare bed next to him.” the doctor seemed to be a warm and friendly person, he even offered to hand jaemin some quilts and pillows. 

as the doctor turns to leave, jaemin steps forward to grab his sleeve. “d-do you need my help? i also have type o blood.”

the doctor glances at him and made a strange look before chuckling lightly, “what are you talking about? there's no need for any blood transfusion, just some body rest. besides, blood transfusions are not allowed between immediate family members.”

jaemin shook his head profusely. “i am not his omega mother.”

the doctor adjusts the glasses on his nose bridge and hums, “that's weird, i thought you two looked alike and just assumed. i apologise for my mistake. go in and watch the child, remember not to disturb him until he wakes up.”

“okay, thank you…” jaemin nods and bows. 

although jaemin had promised the doctor, he did not enter the ward. he could see through the clear glass window that little mochi was asleep on the bed, blankets drawn up to his chin snuggly. but he sits back down on the metal chair in the corridor as his brows curled together. 

_little mochi’s blood type is o. but jeno is not._

_then what is the probability that jeno needs to attain in order to have a child with an o blood type?_

jaemin had long lost his knowledge of permutations and combinations of mathematics. he leaned back on the ice-cold chair and closed his eyes. however, after a short while, he bounces up from his seat and whips out his phone to search up the different blood type combinations on google. 

if lee jeno has blood type a, and ended up having a biological child of blood type o, then little mochi’s mother must be an omega with blood type o, and he happens to be a blood type o omega himself. 

the strange coincidence begins to irritate his mind, just like how he thinks deeply about little mochi and jeno every time. whether jaemin still cares or not, he finally dares to admit to himself that he in fact doesn't _not_ like jeno. the sad truth only tells him that he and jeno are a mismatch. no matter how cute little mochi is, no matter how much jaemin loves little mochi, his feelings are just going to be a thorn in both their hearts. 

jeno never once told him about where little mochi came from, or who little mochi’s omega mother is. it was only a simple sentence that always shuts jaemin up, _“i don't have a lover”_ jeno always says. but this ‘evidence’ is insufficient and jaemin does not want to believe it. he does not have to be picky about the information presented to him, but he has to admit that it bothers him very much. 

that is probably the reason why jaemin hasn't accepted jeno whole-heartedly. even if their relationship was blossoming, even if they have hugged and kissed, and even if maybe someday he’ll leave with a temporary scent mark… jaemin still wonders if he does like jeno that much, or if jeno even likes him this much. 

little mochi who was lying on the hospital bed starts to mumble something before turning over and falling asleep again. jaemin looked at him through the clear glass window as tears stung his eyes once more. 

jaemin sat down again as the scene two hours ago resurfaced in his mind. he sighed in audibly as he feels the the regret filling up in his chest.

they say that children are the most insecure beings. little mochi was still smiling happily as he sits on jaemin’s feet while jaemin replies texts from donghyuck on his phone. 

“mummy? are you done, i'm a little hungry,” little mochi whines as if he had found out the strategy to get jaemin to do what he wants. “i want to eat the cotton candy!” 

apparently, there was a cotton candy store down the street, behind the kindergarten. the cotton candy on display looked huge and fluffy like thick clouds. jaemin could see the fascination in little mochi’s eyes and he knew he couldn't resist that look. 

“this is junk food, little mochi,” jaemin chides lightly. but thinking about how jeno isn't around and this must be his first time eating cotton candy, jaemin gives in. “but i guess one wouldn't hurt…” 

little mochi bounces up and down in excitement and points to the largest rainbow cotton candy. little mochi stuffs the cotton candy in his mouth as he feels them melt in his mouth. _this is terribly sweet_ , jaemin thought as he tasted a small pinch of cotton candy. 

“here, mummy!” little mochi giggles as he smears some cotton candy over jaemin’s lips. he wasn’t angry, how could he be anyway? jaemin just grins and took out some tissue to wipe the corners of little mochi’s mouth. 

jaemin doesn't even know when he started to bring tissues whenever he went out. he even prepared wet ones along with hand sanitizer. of course, jaemin totally didn't expect to become a kindergarten teacher at a school where his ex-fiancé’s son is attending and calls him ‘mummy’.

little mochi points to his teddy water bottle as he licks his lips to signal jaemin to pass it to him. 

“are you thirsty?” jaemin asks and little mochi nods cutely. jaemin helps to unscrew the cap of the teddy bottle to see that the edges were peeling off and the threads were coming loose out of the sling. “why do you like this water bottle so much, little mochi?” jaemin asks curiously as he watches the child before him chug down the drink. 

little mochi makes a face of surprise and his mouth hangs half-opened, “ah? don't you know, mummy? did you forget?”

jaemin raises his eyebrows and tries to conceal his frowning lips. “do i know, mochi?”

“of course!” little mochi pouts and makes a face of disappointment. “you bought this for me when you were out there doing superhero stuff, remember?”

_how could i possibly remember?_ jaemin thought. but he does remember the lie that jeno had told his own son about his mother—about _jaemin._ he had even made up that his son’s omega mother had a peachy smell and was a superhero. suddenly, the distress in his mind begins to spread throughout his body, his throat constricts painfully and it's getting harder to breathe. 

little mochi continues to pout as he hugs the bottle tightly in his arms. “daddy said that kids like us must drink water everyday. and that this bottle is bought by mummy! so if i drink water everyday, mummy will not get angry… mummy won't be angry at me when they come back!”

“...-orry, mummy really forgot,” jaemin replies, barely a whisper. little mochi stomps his little feet on the ground and tries to fight his emotions as if braving himself not to get upset over such a small thing. 

“mummy, are you going to marry daddy?” little mochi asks after a while. “daddy is super nice, and our house his very big, and the bed is really soft! auntie also cooks super delicious food all the time! and the most important thing… is that daddy is the most handsome!”

jaemin frowns as the corners of his mouth tightens into a line. 

he couldn't say ‘yes’ just for the sake of it. a five year old child will know and learn as time goes by. he just joked around with me, it doesn't hurt nor itch. except that jaemin can no longer open his mouth, nothing comes out, his voice is lost. 

he couldn't look directly into the child's eyes that are full of expectations, and he can't even trick himself into thinking little mochi doesn't look like that. children would never understand the adult world, every word that comes out of the mouth does not have to be taken seriously. 

jaemin pats little mochi on the back as he cleared his throat. “listen to me, mochi, i am not the omega mother that gave birth to you and your father and i may not necessarily get married.”

little mochi seemed to be stunned by his words before he sat down on the cold hard floor and burst into tears without a warning. the sobbing in between the yells seemed pained and little mochi’s eyes and nose are getting redder and redder. 

jaemin quickly takes out a tissue to wipe the tears under the child's eyes, thinking that all will be over in a matter of minutes. he watches little mochi struggle to breathe between his cries and it feels like his heart sinks further and further by the second goes. 

he can disappear from the child’s memory, wounds only take time to heal. days will pass without them ever crossing paths again. it would be peaceful, as if the past half a year after returning to seoul, was just a sweet dream. 

little mochi’s chest rises and falls rapidly as he furiously wipes the tears from his eyes. and the next instant, he faints onto jaemin’s lap without warning. 

without thinking jaemin feels his vision getting blurry as his nose get sour again. his throat feels as if he was being strangled and there is limited airflow into his lungs. the pain in his chest can't be ignored but he quickly picks up little mochi with his trembling hands and yells for help. 

by the time jaemin reaches the hospital and little mochi gets sent into another room on the stretcher, jaemin could feel his mouth getting sticky and his heart beating sharply against his chest. the room was getting dizzy, _what is happening? will little mochi be okay? did i get here fast enough? i could've been faster. it is all my fault. i did this… i…_

when the nurse hands him a piece of tissue, jaemin looks down in his palms and realises that he can no longer tell the difference between the tears and sweat that soak up the piece of paper. 

-

when jeno rushes into the hospital, the first thing he sees was a heartbreaking sight of jaemin burying his head in his hands on the waiting chairs. he doesn’t hesitate for another second and walks straight towards the omega, using one hand to pull jaemin into his chest. he could feel jaemin shaking in his embrace and he wraps the other arm around him.

“it’s okay, it's okay…” jeno whispers softly as he rubs soothing circles into jaemin’s back.

jaemin starts to calm down as his shoulders collapse and he lets himself fall apart in jeno’s arms. “i-i’m sorry… i didn’t-”

“shhhh… it’s alright, everything is okay,” jeno comforts and presses jaemin closer.

once jaemin regains his breathing, he falls back on the chair and watches jeno converse with the doctor from earlier. jaemin squints his eyes to see them whispering in hushed tones in the dim lighting of the hospital. 

jeno is indeed a good father, jaemin had thought to himself. if he wasn’t na jaemin, if he wasn’t the omega forced into being a surrogate, or if he was the mr na in despair, if he was the young master na from a long time ago, then without a doubt, he would already be the omega right behind this alpha. he would willingly grab onto this alpha knowing that he will live the rest of his life in happiness, and lee jeno will not let him down either. 

jaemin stands up suddenly, but feels at a loss.

as jeno turns and walks towards him, jaemin opens his mouth unconsciously as if to call out the alpha before him but his body suddenly feels floaty, as if lying on a cloud, going up and down in mid air.

it seems that someone had caught him amidst the panic attack and jaemin wanted to grab his hand. it was jeno, but he was getting farther and farther. when he lifts up his heavy hands to touch jeno’s face, he wonders why jeno is wearing such a frantic expression. he could barely hear someone shouting out, “ _release some calming pheromones_!”

the darkness fell before his eyes again and his surroundings became silent once more. there was only a trace of some japanese sake phermones that penetrated into his nasal cavity, like an alpha’s hand gently pulling at his fingertips, begging him to wake up quickly.

jaemin remembers this pheromone. chills run up along his spine as his fingers and neck stings as if he was struck by lightning.

it’s the same pheromones that lingered around him when he was lying on the operating table five years ago. the sake was bitter like the cold siberian wind, a sip of strong alcohol burned down his throat, and the pain from the scalpel piercing through his stomach was not numbed by the anesthesia. 

but now, the scent of japanese sake has weakened in bitterness and intensity, mixed with the honey peach that seems to be absent from his body, the warm sense of ambiguity converging in the air continues to rise, the gentle vapour reminds him of jeno.

jeno was the sake to his peach. jaemin struggles to open his eyes, he could not refuse the transient gentleness of love.

he opens his eyes laboriously, feeling his chest rising and falling violently as beads of sweat dripped down his forehead. jaemin takes a glance around to realise he was in a private hospital ward, the door of the independent ward was closed tightly. meanwhile, jeno was in a different set of clothes as he sat on the chair beside the hospital bed and looked at him.

jaemin pushes himself off the bed in a second subconsciously and rushes to hug the alpha tightly. jeno stretches out his hand and hugs him back just as tightly, as if he were to melt into his body.

jaemin rests his chin on jeno’s shoulders, the puzzle pieces of his dream resurfaces in his mind as the scent of japanese sake gets more intense, lingering all around jeno. jaemin’s heart jumps unknowingly at the thought of the reflective scalpel and neutral calming sake pheromones, making him shiver in the coldness. 

he used to say that even the coldest pheromones can turn gentle when mixed with love.

in his memories, the client’s voice from five years ago was ice cold. when he signed the contract in hand, he noticed that the client only had a cover name, _n.j_ . the potency of the sake pheromones were unique and rare, even jaemin would remember it in his lifetime. _could this be a coincidence?_ he frowns and lets go of jeno.

he remembers jeno standing under the streetlamp where the foggy night covered his face as his voice hoarsely said, _i don’t have a lover_ . he thinks back on the rumours about little mochi in his company, he thinks back about those smiling eyes that were so bright as they looked into his own and said, _i’m chasing you._

jaemin’s throat was dry and didn’t know what to say as he opened his mouth but nothing came out. not trusting his own words, he closes his own eyes as he asks, “little mochi… i gave birth to him, was it me?”

jeno looks at him with calm and gentle eyes before nodding slowly, “yes,” he answers.

he holds the palm of jaemin’s hand in his own as the sake scent lightens around the room. jaemin lowers his head as if he had heard a crazy story, a story from another perspective. he hears about how he went to get a surrogate on impulse, he hears about his fight and arguments with his mother, how he found out he was his omega surrogate, and what he had said to jung jaehyun.

jeno stretches out his hand to support jaemin’s drooping shoulders, his sight has become unclear as if stones were thrown into a deep ancient well and water splashes across his face.

“when i knew that it was you, my first reaction was happy. liking you, my feelings… they have always been true and real. i’ve always been afraid that you will not accept me because of little mochi, and i was afraid that you will not accept me because of the past. i started to regret it so much… i regret it so much because i went to find a surrogate because i was angry, i did it without thinking much, but by that time, i finally realised how much i liked you.”

“i really like you, na jaemin,” jeno blinks his teary eyes. “i like you as if it has always been you.”

jaemin drops his head and takes his hands out of jeno’s palms and holds them tightly together, “do you know… how _painful_ it was…? the surrogacy was too painful.”

“i have never doubted your feelings for me, lee jeno,” jaemin gently pushes away jeno’s hand and continues, “let me calm down.”

his hospital gown was put on looselyv but jaemin got off the bed, opened the door and the soft wind from the corridor rushed in, causing any sake scent left to dissipate. jaemin turned his head back when he reached his corner to see that jeno had not followed. _this was expected._

he sighs again before picking up the phone in his pocket to find the string of numbers at the end of his contacts. the number has not been opened even once in the last five years. jaemin bites his lips lightly before pressing the call button.

“nana…?” a familiar yet foreign voice answers the phone. 

“hyung…” jaemin spoke, only to realise his voice was particularly hoarse.

jaehyun had not expected jaemin to take the initiative to contact him. he originally thought that the next time he saw jaemin would be at his wedding with jeno. who knew that when lee jeno had grabbed his jacket and left in a hurry just now, jaehyun had asked out of concern, _where are you rushing off to?_ jeno hums and said that little mochi was hospitalised.

the hospital they were at was acquired by jaehyun himself just last year. they were causing such a huge disturbance, it was impossible for no one to have not seen that. his secretary had let him in on what happened and he was honestly surprised when jaemin was the one that contacted him first. he pauses for a moment before trying, “so you know?”

“i do… i gave birth to little mochi. jeno had asked his mother to help me but his mother didn’t do it. his cover name was n.j. and his pheromones are…”

jaehyun lets out a sigh of relief, his stupid little dongsaeng who stepped into the tunnel can now finally turn his back to say goodbye to the darkness.

he hums along before replying, “why? are you not going to say it?”

jaemin leans against the hospital wall in a self-defeated manner, “it’s inappropriate to tell others about this kind of thing, hyung! pheromones are considered privacy.”

“yes, privacy,” jaehyun follows with a light chuckle.

in a moment of silence, the sound of zipping sound of the electric current on the call line squeezes into his ears and jaemin finally says, “hyung, help me find a place to stay for a few months.”

jaehyun was confused, “are you going to go on a holiday? are you going back abroad? i can get you a plane ticket.”

jaemin thought for a while, “forget it.” he hesitates for a moment, “a quieter place is better, i need to think… about all of this.”

the place jaehyun had found for him was somewhere in hakone, japan and he received the ticket via an email from his assistant. _he’s as busy as ever,_ jaemin thought. he had never seen jeno again before he left. the next day, he hears jaehyun say that little mochi had been discharged from the hospital. he was packing up his little things in his apartment while trying to explain everything to donghyuck on kakaotalk. 

jaehyun would occasionally knock on him, “so what exactly are you thinking? i’m talking about lee jeno.”

jaemin stands up too quickly and he feels his blood rushing down as he gets dizzy for a second before answering, “i don’t know either.”

the mess in his mind is in knots. when jaemin went to the mart to get things he wanted to bring with him to japan, he had actually thought about finding jaehyun to rethink and discuss about his rash decision. at that time, he turns his head to see that, right in the cafe next door, was jaehyun and jeno sitting at the back.

his heart suddenly feels suffocated and he rushes back into the supermarket then leaves with a large bag of snacks before walking home alone. he took a taxi to the airport the very next morning, and when he was on the plane he remembers that he had forgotten that jaehyun had arranged for a driver to send him to the airport. 

the house jaehyun had found was cozy and quiet. it was located at the edge of hakone, with large green mountains behind him. the clear and shimmering lakes were just right outside his window. jaehyun had even found a beautiful samoyed puppy to accompany him. when it sits there quietly, squatting in place, it reminds him a little of jeno.

jaemin quickly shakes out the image of jeno from his mind irritably. 

the days in hakone passed slowly and were boring to talk about. jaehyun had thoughtfully set up a studio for him on the second floor, equipped with everything from brushes to canvases. when the windows were opened, jaemin would marvel at the view outside and pick up a pencil to start sketching. the little samoyed would lay at his feet and roll around from time to time, it occasionally knocked over his easel too. 

jaemin pats the puppy by his butt and pushes him out of the studio using his legs and locked him outside the room. when he went out to wash his hands, he noticed that the puppy was being incredibly well-behaved as he curled up right outside the door. it stared at him with wet, glossy eyes, and it made him think about jeno once again. 

jaehyun had never contacted him since then and jaemin rarely thought about jeno anyway. sometimes, he feels complacent whenever memories of jeno would resurface in his mind. you see, this ‘desensitisation treatment’ is rather successful. in fact, jaemin did not shy away from the fact that he was actively avoiding all ties to jeno.

he thought that the peace he has stolen thus far was much more valuable. instead of spending time to solve an insoluble knot, he might as well enjoy this hard-won peace. 

that’s why jaehyun’s call came just at the right time.

this was the second month that jaemin was staying on the outskirts of hakone. he opened the windows in a daze to realise that spring has arrived.

the unsolved mysteries and memories leftover from the past winter was locked in the back of his mind. jaemin answers the phone and hears a hesitant voice, “lee jeno is getting married.”

the paintbrush in jaemin’s hand falls onto the wooden floor as a cloud of paint rolled away. only then, did he realise what he had painted. it was a rough watercolour painting of a family of three. the little boy seemed to be about the same age as little mochi who was standing in the middle, hands held by an alpha and an omega. 

they were all smiling brightly. they looked happy.

jaemin purses his lips as the air that accumulated in the bottom of his heart surged up again. the memories from two months ago and the memories of five years ago poured into his mind. jaemin plops down on his bed as he listens to the sounds of the lake that came from the window. he covers his face with the back of his hand and thought for a long time. he seems to have missed an opportunity to seize it. 

jaemin called jaehyun again when he reached the airport. jaehyun was quiet and said, “his family was the one that arranged this, he is probably not happy. when i saw him the next day, he was already drunk and asked me if na jaemin was coming back. i said i wasn’t sure, and he looked like he thought for a long time. the very next day i heard he had accepted his family’s proposal. and you know, his parents are getting old, and it is also a rare chance for them to find someone that is willing to accept that he is an unmarked alpha with a child.”

jaemin didn’t say anything more and hummed back with tight lips. 

-

the long plane ride has messed up jaemin’s mind. he does not even have the mood to admire the beautiful view of the sea of fluffy clouds in the sky that was once his favourite thing to do on plane rides. he pulls the window down again and sinks into his seat. he looks up blankly and thought, he has just decided to run back home at the news of jeno’s engagement, then what? 

then what's next? 

should he stomp into someone else's engagement ceremony and make a fool of himself while also adding an announcement that he is the true omega that gave birth to little mochi? it would be good enough if the security guard did not throw him out. 

when he arrived at incheon airport, he is suddenly reminded of the time he first arrived back in seoul when it was a cold winter day. it smells like home, it feels like home, but it is not his own. 

it's as if he is being gouged by something, forcibly making a deep cut in his heart. jaehyun was waiting at the pick up point, clad in a casual sweater and pants. jaemin pulls his suitcase along and walks towards the car. after holding back for a long time, he says, “long time no see, hyung.”

jaehyun just nodded his head and helped jaemin stuff his suitcase in the backseat but says nothing else. the car ride was silent as jaemin stared out of the window again and watched the cars that passed by, the buildings that tower over them, the rivers they crossed over. 

somehow, jaemin’s minds wandered around as he recognised numerous streets that he had visited with jeno and little mochi. he had overestimated his ability to forget those precious memories. he could remember every single restaurant in the end or corner of those streets, he could remember what dish he found out little mochi liked, he could remember the times jeno would smile at him while he eats before looking away in embarrassment. 

it's been two whole months, and yet, these memories are still fresh in his mind as if he had always been longing to go back to them. 

jaehyun had driven them to the lee family’s old mansion. jaemin had a fleeting impression of this place but this would be his first time at the lee’s residence. 

while jaehyun hands him two nicely enveloped wedding invitations after they got out of the car, jaemin’s eyes were searching for a certain alpha. not only was lee jeno or little mochi nowhere to be found, his eyes fixates on the rumoured omega standing on the steps. 

jaemin could tell that she was a beautiful omega even from her back view. her silky and wavy brown hair flows down nicely down her back as she sways around in an elegant red dress. everyone eyes were directed towards the female omega, including jaemin himself. _of course, because that isn't me. no one would be looking at me like that._

when the omega swivels around on her pretty heels, she notices jaemin and waves politely as if she knew who he was. jaemin’s mouth twitches as he forces a smile back. _i am not supposed to feel like this, i don't deserve to even feel this way._

noticing jaemin’s stiff composure, jaehyun quickly pulls him away and drags him towards the main ballroom entrance. 

the ballroom was crowded as the guests filled up the venue. jaemin stood around in a corner while jaehyun attends to some of his acquaintances that arrived. he couldn't help feeling jittery and nervous as his palms became clammy and the room suddenly felt suffocating. “i'm gonna head out for a while,” jaemin whispers to jaehyun before making a beeline to the exit. 

jaemin didn't think much but it definitely felt better outside. there wasn't anyone at the corridor but he notices a bronze mirror at the very end with the bathroom door open. when he hesitates to go in to wash his face, he hears the shuffling of footsteps behind before it stops as if being held up by something.

jaemin doesn't turn his head around but he feels himself stop breathing. it is little mochi. he doesn't rush over to hug his legs as usual but instead, he stands awkwardly on the spot while fiddling with the ends of his long sleeves and said timidly in a tiny voice, “ _mummy.”_

the image and thoughts that had been painfully suppressed for the past two months are completely destroyed in a second. jaemin remains rooted to the ground as he grits his teeth in resistance. 

he suddenly remembers the last painting he did in hakone. the image of the family of three was oddly vivid. the moment he left, he decided to finally admit to himself that it was a painting of jeno, little mochi and him together. _as a family of three_. 

the emotions he feels today are just as turbulent when he was in the hospital two months ago. jaemin feels his throat tighten and the tears welling up in his eyes while he held his voice back tightly. he takes a long time before squeezing out a sentence from his throat, “...mm.” 

_mm, there was nothing more to explain._

jaemin doesn't dare to tell little mochi that he was wrong, that they were really mother and son by blood, and he doesn't dare to turn around to hug little mochi and whisper in his ear to tell him to grow up well and that from now on, he would have to call another omega ‘mummy’.

even if he was dreaming, there was no way it would start and end beautiful. 

he hears little mochi running away and when he hears the silence of the corridor, he finally leans against the wall and slides down in defeat. jaemin lets himself curl around as he hugs his knees and shrank into a ball. 

jaemin doesn't notice it when a shadow hovers over him. when he notices a sound of breathing, he raises his head to see lee jeno looking down at him. there their eyes meet without any warning as the silence continues to buzz in his ears. 

“congrats on your engagement.” jaemin manages out as he looks up blankly. 

jeno bends over to pull him up gently, “if it's not with you, then i am not happy.” 

jeno still remembers the day that jaemin left. things were just piled up together, like a sesame ball, messy and grubby. once jeno had calmed little mochi down, he had checked out jaemin’s private hospital ward as he stood in the corridor and called his mother. 

madam lee was flipping through the newspapers when jeno starts and said, “ _mom, i found you an in-law.”_

madam lee’s voice sounded very pleasant as she proceeds to ask, “ _how did you? can she accept little mochi?”_

jeno just hummed, “ _little mochi likes them very much, he recognised them as his mother at first glance.”_

_“then what about you, no-no?”_

jeno smiles while looking towards the view through the window, “ _me too, i recognised him as mine at first sight… it’ll always be him in my lifetime.”_

_“he's called na jaemin.”_

madam lee was silent on the other side for a long time. the pair seemed to be engaged in a silent fight, waiting for the other to start it. jeno doesn't know how long his mother had thought about this but she finally said, “ _bring him home in a few days, and we'll see.”_

jeno sighs as he directed his eyes towards the empty hospital ward. “ _but there's a slight problem, mom.”_

it was rare for him to gather and throw away his pride in front of his own mother. but he softened his voice and finally asked, _“can you do me a favour?”_

withdrawing from his memory, jeno watches jaemin who was still standing in front of him. he had a dazed yet complicated expression while his eyes grew redder by the second goes and mumbles defeatedly, “it's not going to work out.”

jeno opens his mouth like a stubborn child, “it is going to work.” 

he pins his gaze on jaemin as if he could see through the omega as he began, “when i saw you for the first time, i thought you were no different from those omegas before, just that maybe you looked more beautiful than them. later, i found out that you were indeed different from them. i thought the difference between you and them was the fact that little mochi likes you but actually, i later realised that the difference was because i didn't like any of them, but i liked you.”

“i actually never once regretted having invited you to dinner that day, i never once regretted chasing so hard after you, i never once regretted developing feelings for you. if you want to ask me what i really regret? then i could only say that what i truly regret was to let you be my surrogate, and that i never held you back the day you left.” 

jeno’s eyes flashed wet as the tears reflected the dim light in the corridor, it reminded him of the gloomy little samoyed puppy when he locked him out of his studio. the gaze in jeno's eyes could not be faked, as if he was a devout believer praying to the gods. 

“whatever i said is true. if i'm not engaged to you, then i am not happy. but i don't want to be engaged to you… i want to marry you right away.” 

jaemin was caught off guard by jeno’s last sentence as it replays and rings in his ears for a long time. he catches the jaw he dropped in shock earlier before stuttering in confusion, “w-what are you talking about? b-but… what about… what about the omega that you're engaged to? she's outside!”

jeno squinted his eyes and thought hard, “which one are you talking about?”

jaemin flails his arms around in uneasiness as he feels himself going breathless, “it's the omega in the red dress, with long curly hair, the one that looks very beautiful.”

“look at the invitation card in your hand,” jeno said. 

jaemin lowers his head and holds out the wedding invitation in his hand shakily. he didn't open it the entire time, but more specifically, he didn't dare to open it. now, he lifts the card out of the envelope and opens it slowly under jeno’s instructions. 

the card was simple and delicate, golden english words were printed on the paper then jaemin browsed through before he realised that the name of the omega was not written at all.

he raises his head and stares at jeno unbelievably.

and there is jeno, the wolf in a cat’s skin. 

jeno then kneels down on one knee in front of him with a gentle smile as he puts his hand over the silver family crest brooch on the breast of his suit and bows his head slightly, “i’m sorry i lied to you again, but i don’t regret it.” 

he pulls out a ring from his breast pocket before holding jaemin’s sweaty hands out on his palm. “may i?” jeno asks but jaemin was too speechless and shocked to answer so he slides it into jaemin’s ring finger. the ring was specially made to order, although relatively simple, it was still one that held its presence. 

jeno then flips jaemin’s hand around as he placed a copper key in his palm which stung with coldness. 

jaemin could recognise it within a glance, that copper key was originally the key to the na family’s villa. he remembered asking jeno to help him get the agate ring left by his mother a long time ago, but he totally didn't expect jeno to buy back his family house, the house which carried all the stories from his youth as young master na. 

jeno raised his head and displayed a deep, sincere smile, “this is the bride price, the key to your house.” he lifts his other hand to hold jaemin’s trembling fingers between his palms as he rubs them comfortingly, “na jaemin, when you're by my side, you can never grow up, you can always be confident and prideful, you can always be that little young master.”

“with all my sincerity displayed here, is it enough to exchange for you to say an ‘i love you’?” 

jaemin lowers his head and wipes his tears away, pretending to be calm. after all, he couldn't hold back the emotions building up in his heart as he sobs out, “i love you.”

jeno smiles wider as he is pulled up to his feet before being embraced tightly by jaemin. his omega buries his head in his neck as he continues to sob and let his tears wet is suit but he never stops repeating the sentence he longed to hear. 

“i love you, lee jeno… i love you, i love you, i love you…” 

“i love you too,” jeno whispers back. “it has always been you.” 

they hug and finally exchange a deep yet sweet kiss in the empty corridor while the pheromones begin to slip out inadvertently. soon the scent of honey peach hits the japanese sake, and no matter how strong the alcohol, it will always be melted down by tender love. 

as the both of them remain wrapped tightly in each other's arms, the sound of claps begin to fill the once quiet corridor. there jaemin looks up and realises that the guests have all filled up the place as whistles and cheers got louder. 

jaemin could see jaehyun standing right at the front with a proud smirk on his face as he yells out ‘congratulations’ along with the rest of the crowd. he even spots a crying donghyuck being comforted by mark in the corner and he realises how much he's missed them too. jaemin chuckles at the sight and feels his cheeks heating up from being caught in this embarrassing position in front of everyone. 

before he could register in his mind in time, little mochi had ran towards him and hugged his legs. oh, how much has jaemin missed this feeling. he bends down and picks little mochi up who had fat tears rolling down his cheeks while he sobs cutely into his hands. 

“ _m-mummy~”_ he sobs out uncontrollably but jaemin just lifts his hand to wipe those tears away. “d-don't ever leave me again~!”

“i will never leave you _ever_ again, little mochi. i'll always be here. always.” jaemin says as clear as he could. “and i love you, little mochi, i'll always be your ‘mummy’.”

this time, jeno wraps an arm around the both of them as he nuzzled his forehead into jaemin’s and kisses his omega and son one after another. “i love you, na jaemin, oh wait, or should i say, _lee jaemin_?”

“s-shut up!” jaemin huffs. “but i love you too… and thank you for everything. thank you for accepting me, thank you for loving me, thank you for giving me everything i've once lost.” 

the image of his painting of the family of three resurfaces in his mind and this is when jaemin realises, he's finally home. 

_this is my family, this is my home, this is where i belong._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading all the way to the end! i know it was a long ride but i hope i made you feel some emotions? some connection to my characters? or you fell in love with little mochi! this is definitely my longest fic that also dealt with a lot of heavy themes (i don't know, sometimes i felt a little bad for jaemin to suffer so much) but well, he found his happiness in the end! and a note, i changed jaemin's blood type to o instead of keeping it ab because it would be confusing!
> 
> also, please let me know your thoughts, comments, any feedback here or you could find me on twitter @jaeminsmochi or if you're shy, you can drop a curiouscat!
> 
> once again, thank you for reading and stay safe everyone! <3


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